“Get that thing away from me. I hate it.”
The man pauses and looks down at the bundle in his arms and nods. He doesn’t say anything else, but goes to the other side of the room and starts to rock the baby. It’s not long until he starts crying.
My name is called again and it’s like I’m being teleported to another part of the hospital. I wish I had some say in where I was going, but I don’t seem to be in control.
Now, I’m outside. It’s dark and while it’s winter, I should be cold, but I’m not.
“Peyton?”
I look to my left and on the bench is a woman with long dark hair like mine. She motions for me to come sit with her, but it’s hearing a familiar voice that’s keeping me grounded. “Noah,” I say, but he doesn’t look over. He’s talking to a homeless man and they’re deep in conversation. He laughs, heartedly, causing me to smile. I love his laugh. It’s one of his best features.
“Peyton,” she calls my name again and this time I go to her. She pats the spot next to her on the bench and I sit.
“How can you see me?”
“You don’t know who I am?”
I study her, trying to pull her face up in my mind. I shake my head. “No, I don’t.”
“I’m your grandmother, Grace.”
Now that she’s said as much, yes, I can see it now. “I’m sorry I didn’t know. The picture my grandpa has up of you are old and…”
“It’s fine. I’m so happy to meet you.”
I don’t want to be happy to meet her because she’s dead and that would mean I’m… I can’t bring myself to say the word, fearing that doing so would put some finality into my situation. I’m not ready. I haven’t had the chance to tell everyone how I feel or do the things I’ve wanted to do.
I’m almost afraid to ask, but I have to know. “Am I dead?”
“No, you seem to be taking your time crossing over. Your dad and I have been waiting.”
“My dad? He’s here?”
She nods. “He’s with your mom right now. He’s been here the entire time, watching over you and your sister.”
“Why can’t I see him?”
“He’ll make his presence known when the time is right, but for now, he’s comforting your mother so she doesn’t feel lost.”
But that’s Harrison’s job.
I look back at Noah and wonder what he’s doing with that man. They seem friendly, like they’ve known each other for years, yet I’ve never seen him before in my life.
“Is he a good man to you?”
“He’s a friend,” I say, shaking my head.
“But you’re in love with him.”
“Doesn’t matter how I feel anymore.” I look at him one last time before turning my attention back to my grandmother. “What’s it like? Dying?”
“It’s different for everyone. For me, it was peaceful. I was ready to stop the pain.”
“And for my father?”
“He had a harder time with it. He was young and had his whole life ahead of him. Mason fought hard to stay, but the damage was extensive.”
“Like mine. I’m not supposed to make it through the night.”
She doesn’t say anything. She doesn’t have to. I gather she’s here to help me cross over or whatever it’s called. Just follow the light or so they say on television.
“If I go, will my mom be okay?”
“In time.”
“And what about my sister?”
“She’s strong, like you.”
“And my brother?”
She doesn’t answer, only nods. I get the impression she’s not fond of my family.
“My grandpa Powell, he loves Quinn. And Harrison.”
“As he should. They’re good men, but I’m not tied to them like I am to your sister. I only speak about your mother because she survived when her husband passed away. That’s a testament to her character. But you, your sister and I are linked.”
“And if I’m not ready to go? How do I fight? How do I wake up from whatever this is? Everyone is hurting and I want the pain and tears to stop. I want to open my eyes and see my mom, my sister, and Noah.”
My grandma adjusts. “You’ll have to ask your dad because I don’t know.”
“Didn’t you fight?”
“I did, with everything I had. I wasn’t ready to leave my life behind. To leave my husband and son, but after awhile, the cancer became too much for me and by the time I realized I was dying, it was too late.”
“My grandpa misses you.”
“I know, sweetie. I miss him too. But I’ll see him soon.”
I don’t ask her how she’s going to see him because I don’t want to know. There are only two options that I can think of, and neither is acceptable. I turn back to Noah, only to watch him leave. He goes through the double doors, walking as if he’s on a mission. “I’ll be right back,” I say, but when I glance over my shoulder, she’s gone.