Her footsteps grew closer and Curtis tensed. He still didn’t give away that he wasn’t asleep. He listened to the sound of Lexi’s soft breathing. Imagined what kind of pajamas she had on- probably something light and airy- imagined what was below. Would she get into bed with him? Wake him up and make some kind of glorious, insightful confession? Lean over and kiss him? Wake him up in some other, more inventive way?
His balls felt pretty damn close to bursting. He himself was damn near close to bursting. The anticipation heightened. The air crackled and danced with electricity. He paused, waiting. Waiting. Waiting…
Lexi leaned over him. He was sure of it. He felt her body heat envelop him like a wondrous cloud, her feminine scent went straight up his nose, intoxicating him far worse than anything he’d ever had the pleasure of drinking before. The soft as silk, light and airy curtain of her hair brushed over his face. God, he couldn’t wait to taste her lips again. The petal softness, those lush, sensual lips…
Her hand brushed over his bottom lip, the pad of her thumb parting it sweetly, gently, expertly.
Aaaaaannddd… something wet and slimy was unexpectedly thrust into his mouth.
It tasted like licking the bottom of a public toilet seat that hadn’t seen a good scrubbing in years and had the consistency of liquid glue. He shot straight up in bed, gagging, clawing at his mouth, trying to get the foul substance out. He gagged hard, the force of his coughing spasms and his own saliva doing wonders to propel the disgusting substance out of his mouth. It was wretched, gooey like glue and overcooked mushrooms and somehow pasty like flour, all wrapped into one disgusting package.
The object fell out of his mouth. Mostly. The last of it dribbled out in strings along with his saliva as he kept coughing. He was pretty damn close to puking.
The lights flicked on, scalding his eyes and he stared straight into Lexi’s smirking, self-satisfied face. Oh yes. She was very, very proud of herself. Her evil grin oozed triumph and her normally soft eyes were hard and flinty. He went right on coughing and gagging. When he glanced down at the mess on the bed, he just about barfed for real. Rainbow. Whatever she’d stuffed into his mouth was rainbow colored. What. The. Actual. Ever. Living. Fucking. Fuckery. Was. Going. On?
“What the fuck is this?” he yelled, staring at the rainbow goo.
“That?” Lexi asked innocently, her tone all sugary and fucking roses. “That’s Noel’s rainbow slime. Don’t worry. I looked it up on the package and it says it’s non-toxic. If swallowed, you don’t need to worry about calling poison control or anything. It won’t kill you.”
“Why would you put that in my mouth?” he spluttered.
“Ever heard the expression payback’s a bitch?”
“For- for the kids? For the record, there are enough people in the world already. No one needs to reproduce and make more…”
“Nope.” Lexi rolled her eyes, probably at the latter part of that statement. “Although I have to say, that was really over-reacting and you seriously need to watch your mouth around children. TVs can be replaced. Little girl’s hearts not so much. Anyway, I fixed that for you. I promised we’d take them to the zoo tomorrow. They’re very, very excited. You’re back to being their favorite uncle again.”
Curtis groaned. Great. Now he’d have to spend the entire next day toting around two whiny bawl bags, making sure they didn’t get eaten by lions or alligators or disappear when he had his back turned for point eight of a second. “What the heck are you talking about payback for then?”
“Let’s just say there’s more rainbow slime where that came from.” Lexi’s eyes glowed with an evil glint. “If you ever kiss me again, next time I might not be so generous. Next time, it might not be rainbow slime you get in your mouth. You’re awfully trusting, Mr. James, with a stash of dirty diapers so near at hand. Anyway…” She batted her eyelashes, suddenly all innocence. “Sleep tight. Don’t let the asshole bugs bite. Oh, wait… I guess that’s too late. You’re already infected.” She smiled sweetly at him, spun on her heels, and marched out of the bedroom.
CHAPTER 9
Lexi
Surprisingly enough, the zoo was fun. Curtis woke up the next morning, a good sport. He didn’t mention the TV or even the slime incident from the night before. He watched the kids eat their cereal, loaded everyone into her family sedan since the two-seater sports car sitting in his garage wasn’t going to do the job, and helped her unload. Traveling with two young kids wasn’t exactly easy. It took up a lot of time, but for once, Curtis didn’t complain.
He paid their admission, rented two strollers, and got a zoo map.