“I really don’t want to do this, Daniel.”
He watched me like I was a wild animal ready to bolt—he watched me like he was tiptoeing around my feelings. Like I was made of glass. Moisture built in my eyes, and I hated it. I hated that after everything, he saw me like everyone else did.
“Listen, we’ve been through a lot. What we’ve accomplished together in helping you, it brings two people close. We knew that going in, and that was why we set up the rules. I made a mistake in breaking them on our trip and continuing to break them once we got back.”
“It wasn’t a mistake.”
He swallowed hard and dropped his gaze. “I told you I don’t do love, Hanna. And maybe you thought what happened between us was more because you grew to lean on me.”
“Don’t belittle my feelings. Don’t make it sound like I’ve created this…transference.”
“Isn’t it, though?”
He wouldn’t meet my eyes, and his question pierced my chest. The first tear fell, and I swiped it away. I’d have rather had him come in and tell me he didn’t feel the same over this.
“I care about you, Hanna. But I told you, I don’t do love. I can’t, and I’m not someone to lean on. I wanted to help, but I’m not the man who can make it all better.”
“I’m not asking you to make it better, Daniel. I’m asking you to be honest.”
“I am,” he snapped, his eyes flashing back to mine. “Do you think this is easy? Do you think I want to hurt you? After everything you’ve been through, what you’re still going through.”
“Is that what this is about? I’m too damaged for you?”
“No, dammit.” This time both hands dragged through his hair. “Hanna, I—I don’t think I can…”
“What? Be with the girl who’s damaged goods? The girl you think needs to talk about her feelings so she can get better? News flash, Daniel. I did all that.”
“Yet, you still carry all this around.”
“I’m allowed to,” I practically growled.
“If you would just talk to someone.”
“I tried to talk to you. You were helping me. Am I too much?”
He paled at my outburst and blinked a few times like he was lost until he shook his head, brushing off whatever had caused him to freeze. “No. I—I care about you.”
“Gee. Thanks.”
Daniel squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. “Dammit, Sabrina—”
The name barely left his mouth before he cut off all words, his eyes flying open wide.
Ringing pierced my ears, and everything blurred on the edges as my chances at happiness crashed and burned at my feet.
His mouth flopped open like a fish as he searched for an excuse. But none of it mattered.
He’d called me Sabrina.
He’d called me by another woman’s name.
The only woman he’d ever loved.
What the fuck did that mean? Was I some cheap replacement? Was I a fill in for him to pretend? So many questions bombarded me from left and right, and all I could squeeze out of my depressed lungs was, “What?”
“Hanna. Shit.” He held his hands out, pleading. “It was a mistake. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean—”
“Shut up,” I snapped, unwilling to hear anymore. Every doubt bombarded me. The way he looked scared when I told him I loved him hit me hard in the chest. The way he let me walk away after confessing how much he meant to me, bubbled up, breaking free.
“Is that what this was? A way to relive the time you spent with your precious Sabrina? Did you want to save me like you wished you could have saved her? Did you replay your favorite moments with me in her place? Did you fuck me and think of her?” My voice cracked on the last question.
“Dammit, Hanna. No.” He dragged his hands through his hair and tugged before letting them fall to his sides. “It wasn’t like that. I’m upset and not thinking. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I’m so sorry.”
His blue eyes pleaded with me to understand, but I couldn’t. All I could hear was her name. All I could think was that he used me to replace her. That all he ever wanted was her and never me.
“Well, maybe you should go think somewhere else. Not around me.”
“Hanna, please.”
“Get out,” I breathed, unable to shout like I wanted to.
The room froze, and I held my breath, waiting for him to make his move. Part of me wanted him to come across the desk, pull me into his arms, and demand I hear him. To tell me it was always me and that I had it all wrong.
But that didn’t happen. A moment passed before he growled and walked out, slamming the door behind him.
The loud bang reverberated through my bones and shook the last bit of strength from my body.