“I got one,” I defended. “I just let it expire.”
“Daniel,” she reprimanded without heat, slapping my chest.
“I know, I know. I’ll update it.”
“You better.”
Her glare changed to an expectant glare, waiting for my answer about traveling together. “Okay, fine. You win. Where would we go?”
“Obviously someplace in the US,” she joked. “How about two places? I’ll pick one, and you pick one.”
“Okay. You pick first.”
“Hmmm…Let’s do the mountains.”
“That sounds good.” I thought about where to go and remembered a conversation with Sabrina and how much she’d always wanted to hear the waves. She’d made me promise to take her to the beach one day. She just never gave me the chance. “How about I surprise you?”
“Okay.” She nodded, her smile growing. “We’re doing this.”
We were doing this. I was going to travel with Hanna, and the scenarios that flashed through my mind ranged from playing games and laughing to…other things and a lot of moaning. Adrenaline flooded my veins, a heady concoction of excitement tinged in fear of the unknown. But looking down at her wide smile, I didn’t question it.
The music finished playing, and Erik stood on the stage with a microphone. “Thank you, everyone. It’s that time of night to soak up all the alcohol. Dinner will be served in Corbett Tower, followed by speeches from our wonderful guests, and finally the prizes.”
Applause broke out before everyone shuffled to the next room.
“Do you talk?” I asked Hanna.
“God, no. I’m a more behind the scenes kind of girl.”
She struggled to hold my eyes, and I knew there was more than just wanting to stay behind the scenes as the reason she didn’t share her story at these events. “You should. Maybe it would add to your control you’re working on.”
“You sound like Erik,” she snapped. “Always pushing me to stand up and shout everything from the rooftops. I don’t need to talk about it to be fine.”
I knew that. A lot of people did fine without discussing too in-depth. But every time her past came into the conversation, her irritation came with it. The more I observed Hanna, the more I saw a pot bubbling a little too high. I had no doubt she dealt with the biggest of her fears and shelved her biggest issues, but just because the biggest monsters were conquered, didn’t mean the small ones couldn’t do as much damage. The problem was that you sometimes missed them before it was too late.
“Sometimes, talking about it with likeminded people can help.”
She ground her jaw but didn’t face me. “Sometimes, it’s okay to not toss everything out there. Sometimes it’s okay to keep it to yourself. Sometimes we get to keep a box just for us, and that’s okay. I don’t need to tell everyone everything.”
By the end, her chest rose and fell over her heated speech. I didn’t think she’d meant to admit as much as came out in her rant.
I couldn’t blame her for wanting to keep some things to herself. I never really wanted to talk about Sabrina because sometimes the past was easier to pretend to forget. Like it didn’t dabble in the decisions we made every day.
It was easier to pretend it didn’t happen, and that we’re okay if we didn’t talk about it.
Yeah, I understood Hanna’s reasoning to stay behind the scenes better than anyone.
I liked to pretend the past didn’t haunt me either.
I just couldn’t help but wonder how full Hanna’s box was. I couldn’t help but wonder if it was as full as Sabrina’s. I couldn’t help but wonder if I would have been there to help Sabrina open her box that she would have made it.
Maybe that was all Hanna needed, just someone strong and steady to help her face the remaining monsters.
By the end of the night, I’d already thought of plans to help Hanna like I hadn’t helped Sabrina.
17
Hanna
The knock at the door didn’t surprise me. What did surprise me was how long he’d waited to come. I took my time, folding a pair of leggings, and placing them in my suitcase.
I let another knock bang against my door before finally opening to a scowling Erik.
“What the hell is this?” Erik held up a paper and pushed past me into my apartment.
“By all means, come in,” I muttered, gently closing the door.
“Hanna. Why do you need two weeks off from work? Are you okay? Did something happen?” He fired a new question each time he turned direction in his pacing.
“I’m fine, Erik. I’m just taking a vacation. The first one I’ve taken in four years.”
He stopped and studied me like he could scan my insides like an MRI on the hunt for an issue. I loved Erik, but he took the protective big brother to a whole new level. And he did it with as little tact as possible. “Where are you going?” he barked.