“Well, if you ever do, you know I have your back, babe. I can kick Kevin’s ass.” Sean placed his hand on mine and leaned in to kiss the side of my head. With his lips pressed to the skin at my temple, I held Kevin’s stare, trying to decipher the emotions rolling across his dark eyes. His chest rose with a deep breath before he released me from his gaze, his easy mask slipping in place.
“You can try, asshole.”
Sean took the bait and the table full of our friends fell into their usual banter. I managed to avoid Kevin for the rest of the day. I didn’t look over at the soccer fields when the other girls talked about the boys running shirtless again as we walked to our cars. I put my blinders on and got the hell home.
Sitting at the desk in my room, I stared over at Kevin’s window rather than focusing on my homework. Thinking of the previous night sent chills of adrenaline through my body and rather than pushing them away, I welcomed them, hoping they would somehow make me immune when I thought of the way he’d kissed me.
I stared at his dark room and imagined our friendship ending over one stupid incident. I thought about how I wouldn’t have any more late-night talks with him. How every look would be filled with pain at everything we lost because of a stupid kiss that got out of control because of a stupid tickle fight.
It only took about fifteen minutes to decide I needed to do whatever it took to fix this. Kevin was my best friend and nothing—nothing—was more important than that. Not even being kissed in a way that felt like coming home.
I grabbed my hoodie and ran out of my house, heading over to his back yard to wait for him by the pool, like we did most nights after practice. I’d sat there for about an hour before I heard a car door. Five minutes later and I heard the sliding glass door and the shuffle of shoes on the pavement. I didn’t look at him as he got closer. My eyes remained on the sky when he scooted the lounger closer to mine and lay down. His sigh spoke more words than I was willing to say, so I stayed silent, just enjoying his presence beside me.
“Hey,” he whispered.
His one word was all it took to break the dam on my thoughts. I didn’t want to waste time on pointless conversation. “Let’s not let this change anything. You’re my best friend and nothing is more important than that.”
It was too dark to read his eyes well enough, but he blinked and I thought I saw him flinch. But he didn’t refute it or try to talk me out of it. He just reached across the space between us and linked his pinky with mine, giving me one word that released me from the panic of losing him. “Okay.”
Chapter Twelve
Kevin
Despite our agreement to not let that night affect our friendship, I couldn’t help it. It seemed to be my own inner turmoil because she moved on like nothing had happened. Or maybe she was just as good as me at hiding it. But no matter how much I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t different, it was. I’d always noticed how beautiful and amazing Ana was, but that night had added a new layer to our relationship. Or maybe it had stripped away the blinders I’d worn around her. Either way, the new revelation into how her lips felt and how her gasps of pleasure tasted seemed to affect every decision I made.
I began hooking up with more girls, telling myself that I wasn’t thinking about Ana. It was like I had something to prove. That if I could be with someone else, then I was fine. I began assessing every look Sean gave me, wondering if maybe she’d told him or he’d been able to pick up on the tension radiating off me when I was around Ana.
I ignored the way my heart raced a little bit faster than before as I rushed home from practice, hoping to end the night talking to her. Whether it be on the phone or lying next to her on the patio with our pinkies linked.
I was in hell trying to keep up with the chaos raging inside me, trying to portray a normal front. After a month, I’d decided it was enough and made myself take the long way home, rather than rush to see her. I planned to go straight to the bonus room and maybe even sleep there so I wasn’t tempted to look out the window and see if she was home. I needed space if I was going to survive.