“Are you ready to speak in a more civil tone, young lady?” Liam asked. Alex bit back a grin at this term and suddenly felt more relaxed. She nodded. “All right then. I want an account, in your own words, of what happened today in the garden. Remind me first what the express rule was regarding touching yourself without permission.”
Alex swallowed, no longer relaxed. She glanced again at Daniel as if he could give her some kind of reprieve. He was looking not at her but at Liam. She turned back to face him, biting back a sigh. “The rule is, um, no touching, no playing with myself unless you or Daniel expressly tell me to do it.”
“That’s correct. And so what happened while you were weeding?”
“Well, um, you see. I didn’t exactly mean to, that is—”
“No. Stop that. I don’t want to hear your excuses or an outline of your intentions. Just describe what happened. Be as honest as you can.”
She looked at him then, really looked into his face. His dark brown eyes were kind, his expression earnest. He wasn’t setting her up to be embarrassed and humiliated as she’d assumed. He really seemed to want to understand what drove her to willfully break an express command, especially after claiming she yearned for the lifestyle he offered.
She might as well put it all out there. What did she have to lose? They would reject her or accept her based on their own criteria. She doubted what she said now would have much impact either way. She wasn’t even sure what she wanted herself at this point.
“Okay, here’s what happened. I was daydreaming about how hot it was watching the two of you having sex in front of me. I’ve never been whipped the way you did last night. I’ve never been made to orgasm while tied down, not even sure who was touching me. I’ve never been left alone while two men went off to make love to each other, leaving me naked and locked in a cage. The whole thing kind of got to me.”
Liam nodded, his attention fully on her. “I understand. Go on.”
Encouraged, Alex continued, “And this morning, the way you touched my cunt and ass, knowing you were arousing me and then just leaving me on fire. I was just so turned-on, you know? I mean, I know that’s no excuse. I know I don’t have the discipline Daniel has. But I honestly didn’t willfully set out to disobey you. It just sort of happened. I wasn’t intending to make myself come. I was just trying to take the edge off, I guess.”
“What else?” Liam asked.
What else?
What did he want from her?
She decided to say it all—everything that had been building in her mind since arriving.
“Okay. I know you guys are used to this lifestyle. You take it seriously and it’s a romantic, beautiful thing between the two of you. I’m just this object, this ‘toy’ I believe you said last night to Daniel. I guess because of that it doesn’t feel real to me. Or maybe just not yet, I don’t know. Yesterday was incredible. I’ve never been so turned-on or so challenged in my beliefs about what it means to be submissive. I think I’m starting to realize what I claimed I wanted and what I really want might be two different things.
“Watching Daniel submit to you and observing how he carries himself and how obviously devoted he is to you made me realize there might be an element to all this I never took into account.” She paused, looking again at Daniel, who was watching her, and back toward Liam. “I guess,” she said softly, confused by the tears she felt behind her eyes, “that element is love.”
Chapter 8
“You’re kidding. You’ve never used a butt plug? Not even for training?” Daniel held up a slim anal plug made of black silicone.
“Nope. Anal sex was never my thing,” Alex answered emphatically, hoping this wasn’t going where she knew it was. They’d finished the delicious meal Daniel had prepared. The dinner conversation had been light and casual. Both men had steered the discussion away from D/s and Alex’s transgressions, much to her relief, with the talk focusing instead on current events, Liam’s job and Alex’s writing career. They finished the bottle of wine between the three of them. Alex had found herself relaxing, almost forgetting she’d been caught and punished and probably wouldn’t be permitted to come for the foreseeable future.
She had tried to linger at the table, even though she was excited about the night to come, hopeful tonight she would be invited into their bed. Her more practical side recognized this probably wouldn’t happen. She was still somewhat in disgrace with them, she knew. She had no idea how long the statute of limitations on submissive misbehavior lasted. She thought of asking Liam, using exactly that legal jargon, but quickly decided against it.