But it hadn’t been enough. She guessed it would never be enough. Because this wasn’t about her. It was about them. About their relationship and stuff they had to work through. She couldn’t influence it. Shit, she wasn’t even privy to it. Their important talks didn’t include her. She was just some girl. Some sex toy they’d brought in for their amusement. And now that the amusement had become complicated by real feelings, they were just going to toss her away liked a used tissue they’d jerked off into.
Well, fuck them. She smacked the pillow again so hard a seam opened and several feathers floated out. She dropped her head against the pillow and gripped it hard.
What the hell was wrong with her anyway? She’d known going into this that love wasn’t on the menu. In fact, she’d told herself that was a plus. Love was messy. Love fucked everything up. Better, far better, to be a sex slave and nothing more. And she’d almost convinced herself of it. But now they were pulling the rug out from under her. They wanted her to leave.
She sat up and pushed her hair resolutely from her face. Fine. If they wanted her to leave, she was so out of there it wasn’t even funny.
Alexandra Helena Stewart did not stay where she was not wanted.
Alexandra… The image of the dark, handsome Anthony floated into her mind. He had called her that, giving the “r” a slight roll of his tongue, making it sound exotic and special. Alexahndrrra…
She’d been Alex since she was a little girl—a tomboy running wild with the boys, never interested in makeup or dolls. Her father had wanted a boy—maybe that’s why she acted so tough as a kid. She didn’t feel tough now. She felt vulnerable and miserable. She felt rejected. Shit, she was rejected.
She stood and moved toward the armoire, jerking open the doors. Grabbing her clothing, she threw it onto the bed. She opened the bureau and pulled out the rest, stuffing it all willy-nilly into the suitcase she’d stored beneath the bed.
She went into the bathroom, grabbed her toiletries and dumped them into the cosmetic case she’d brought them in. She returned to the bedroom and crammed the cosmetic case in with her clothes.
What had he said? If you were mine… You would be mine alone. You would know your worth because I would shower you with love and attention. What would it be like to belong to a man like Anthony?
She sensed he would be a harsher taskmaster than Daniel and Liam. More of a Master, less of a lover. Her loins tingled at the thought. Was that what she wanted? Someone who would really take her in hand? Who would completely dominate her world?
At least with Anthony she wouldn’t be relegated to the background, sent away when he was done with her. He had even said it—you will never sleep alone. Somehow, he’d seemed to understand and pinpoint her loneliness.
He was very handsome, no question of that. Sexy as hell. But was he too Dom? Something in his bearing, in the way he looked at her, like a wolf eyeing a lamb—it had been disconcerting. But also…sexy.
Alex shook her head. What was she thinking? Was she planning to leap from the frying pan right into the fire? She didn’t need another Dom. No. She needed time to think. To regroup. To be more honest this time about what she really wanted.
Love.
Yes. She wanted a submissive relationship but she also wanted love. She wanted the kind of love she’d witnessed between Daniel and Liam. That kind of shining, all-encompassing adoration that lit them both from within with a secret special fire.
Would she ever find that kind of love? Could Anthony offer her that kind of love?
She sank to the floor and dropped her head into her hands, the weight of her misery bowing her low. “I don’t want his love. I want Daniel and Liam. I want them both. I want them to want me. To love me. Damn it. Love me. Love me.”
She snapped her mouth shut, embarrassed to realize she’d been talking out loud. She rose, remaining motionless for several seconds. All was quiet. She grabbed her suitcase and her laptop and left the room that had been hers for only two weeks.
Two weeks that meant more to her than a lifetime. Two weeks she would never forget.
Chapter 13
Daniel returned to the bedroom a moment later. “I think she must have overheard at least part of our conversation. I should go talk to her.”
Liam frowned. Things were getting increasingly complicated. “Let’s figure out what we’re going to do before we go get her. I agree she needs to be involved too but only after we’re clear in our own minds what we want.”
Daniel paced the room. Liam resisted his urge to direct Daniel on this. He wasn’t entirely sure if he wanted Alex to stay or go. On the one hand he loved having her around. She was sexy and fun and Daniel had blossomed as her Dom. On the other hand they kept butting their heads against the ugly green wall of jealousy. It really was hard to insert a third person into a committed relationship, even a D/s relationship. If she was to stay, they needed to be on the same page or it would never work.