She lifted her chin. Smiled. ‘In that case,’ she said. ‘Let me wish you both every happiness.’ She paused. ‘I presume you will be getting married.’
‘Yes, when her divorce is finally settled, among other things.’ He didn’t smile back. ‘Until then, perhaps you’d be good enough to keep your mouth shut about us.’
‘Who,’ she asked, ‘could I possibly want to tell?’
And walked out, closing the door behind her.
She drove steadily back to Hazelton Magna. About a mile from the village she pulled over on to the verge, switched off the engine and sat for a while trying to gather her thoughts and gauge her own reactions. Waiting, too, for the pain to strike as if she’d just deliberately bitten down on an aching tooth.
After all, Patrick was the man she’d believed she was in love with—wasn’t he?
Only, there was nothing. Not even a sense of shock. Just a voice in her head saying, ‘So that’s it.’ Rather like being handed the solution to a puzzle—interesting, but not particularly important.
Looking back with new and sudden clarity, she could see she’d been flattered by Patrick’s attentions because of the memory of that long-ago crush.
She’d let herself think a new chapter had opened in her life. Yet how in the world could she have mistaken lukewarm for passionate? Except, of course, she had no benchmark for comparison. Or, at least, not then...
No, don’t go there.
Switching her mind determinedly back to Patrick, she could see now why there had been no pressure from him to consummate their relationship. Not consideration as she’d thought but indifference.
My God, she thought wryly. Even Dad saw that I was fooling myself.
And so did Jago...
Jago...
Even the whisper of his name made her tremble.
Now, there she could find pain, she thought. Pain that was immeasurably deep and frighteningly intense. Even life-changing. The certainty of it tightened her throat and set her pulses thudding crazily.
Patrick’s kisses had been enjoyable but had always left her aware she should have wanted more but wondering about her uncertainty. Yet the mere brush of Jago’s mouth on hers had opened a door into her senses that she’d never dreamed could exist. Offered a lure as arousing as it was dangerous.
And he hadn’t even been trying. In fact, he’d probably been amusing himself by gauging the precise depth of her innocence.
Maybe because he too thought she was ‘a nice kid’, she told herself, and flinched.
Hang on to that thought, she adjured herself almost feverishly. That’s the way to armour yourself against him, because you must do that. No out of the frying pan into the fire for you, my girl.
Tomorrow you go back to Market Tranton and you find a job stacking shelves or anything else that offers pay.
And you forget the past, disregard the present and concentrate on the future.
* * *
‘Was Mrs Wilding at church?’ she asked her father later as she dished up their lunch of lamb steaks with new potatoes and broccoli.
‘Fortunately, no,’ Mr Denison said, helping himself to mint sauce. ‘I imagine she’ll be transferring her allegiance to Saint Peter’s in Gunslade for the duration.’
Tavy stared at him. ‘But, Dad, she’s on the parochial church council.’
‘Yes, my dear, but that always had more to do with establishing her position in the village than anything else.’ He paused. ‘Did I mention that Julie Whitman and her fiancé were coming this afternoon at two-thirty to discuss their wedding? It could well be Holy Trinity’s last marriage service, so we’ll have to find some way to make it special.’
‘Oh, don’t say that.’ Tavy shook her head. ‘Maybe if we got up a petition...’
‘I don’t think so, darling. I’m afraid we have to bow to the inevitable, however unwelcome.’
Once the apple crumble which followed the lamb had been disposed of, Tavy cleared away, loaded the elderly dishwasher, and took her coffee into the garden. As she stepped on to the lawn, she heard the front doorbell sound in the distance. Julie and Graham had arrived early, she thought with a faint smile.
It was a warm day with only a light breeze and she wandered round, looking at the garden as if seeing it for the first time, kicking off her shoes to feel the fresh, sweet grass under her bare feet. Wondering if the lilac and laburnum had ever been so lovely and breathing in the scent of the early roses. Trying to capture a lifetime of memories in a moment.