You know what this is. You signed the agreement. There will be an end date on this marriage. He’ll probably never even touch you.
But fantasy and reality were having a head-on collision and it was hard to remember how she was supposed to feel. Who she was supposed to be. It was hard to keep her mask in place while the world shook beneath her feet.
“I want to do this,” she said, her voice hushed.
The expression on her father’s face changed, as if he was seeing deep inside her. “I see.” He extended his arm. “Then let’s go. I confess, I was not ready for you to be married yet.”
She wanted to shout that he didn’t see. Because there was nothing to see. Instead, she cleared her throat. “I’m twenty-three.”
“But still. With Rachel I knew it was coming. I was much more ready for her to marry. And I knew...I knew Ajax’s intentions for a long time. The moment his feelings toward Rachel changed, he told me.”
“Six years,” Leah said, knowing the exact moment, the exact hour. Because the memory was still so raw, no matter that it shouldn’t be.
“She wanted to live more first. She was only twenty-two when he fell in love with her. And you don’t want to live?”
“I can still live with a husband,” she said. “I’ll be married, not dead.” And probably not married for that long. Or in truth.
“That’s true. But you are still my baby.”
She breathed in deep, fighting against the tight ache in her throat. “Dad, I haven’t lived at home in years.”
“I know.”
“And Ajax is like a son to you.”
Her father stopped walking and looked at her. “And if he hurts you, I will personally see him undone.”
She blinked. “He won’t.” She would make sure he wouldn’t. Her armor was solid; it wouldn’t break now. In spite of her moment of flailing insecurity back in the dressing room, she would make sure her armor held.
Anyway, Ajax didn’t have a foothold in her life anymore. Not in her emotions at least. She might still find him physically attractive, but she wasn’t hopeless over him anymore.
They stopped talking then, because they were in the foyer, and just beyond that was the courtyard, where everything had been prepared for the wedding. Rachel’s wedding. None of it was to her taste. Leah was more whimsical, her sister a sophisticate. Everything was white at Rachel’s wedding.
Too damn bad she hadn’t shown up.
Leah swallowed hard as the doors opened and the sunlight poured in, painting her in white, too. The only color was the sea beyond the stone-covered courtyard, a blue jewel against the sun-washed sky.
She started descending the steps, and the guests stood, a gasp and ripple of whispers rustling through the crowd, audible even over the string quartet that was playing. She knew what they were saying. They were wondering why. Why her?
Why not the beautiful sister? Surely, everyone would know Rachel had left. Because there was no way Ajax would have preferred her. And everyone would know that.
She’d always imagined she would marry here. In Rhodes. But it hadn’t looked like this in her mind.
She raised her eyes and saw Ajax, standing at the head of the aisle, and her heart just about burst through her chest, nerves, remnants of old dreams converging on her, making it hard to breathe. Ajax had always been in her fantasies. Always. Of course, in her fantasies of old as she drew nearer to him on her trip down the aisle, he had smiled. He hadn’t looked at her like she was judge, jury and executioner come to hand him a terrible sentence.
But that’s how he looked now. Grim. Like a man at the gallows, not the altar.
She tightened her hold on her father’s arm and continued down the aisle, looking anywhere but at Ajax. What was she doing? She couldn’t back out. She was halfway down the aisle, the man had already been jilted once today. And as they drew closer, the ache in her heart intensified, a swollen mass of emotion growing in her, choking her.
And logic couldn’t talk her out of it. Her mind telling her that she shouldn’t feel anything for him, did nothing to stop it.
Where was her armor? How had this sneaked beneath it?
They stopped at the head of the aisle, and Leah just about stopped breathing.
“Who gives this woman to this man?” The pastor’s voice was thin, distant. Like he was underwater.
“I do.”
Her father sounded the same way, so maybe it was just her.
And then he kissed her cheek and she was moving toward Ajax. He extended his hand, and she took it. He had never held her hand before. Now that she thought about it, she didn’t think he’d ever touched her skin.