“Yes.”
A harsh laugh escaped me. “Not to the Wardens or the Alphas. Or to humans or—”
“You once told me that everyone has free will and I told you that free will was bullshit. Remember that?”
I opened my eyes. “Yes.”
“And you were right. We all have free will. Even demons.” He placed his hands on either side of my head and leaned in. “I proved that was true. And what is happening to you—if this is you—it’s not something you’ll freely choose to do. So to me, it makes a difference.”
“What do you mean by if? We haven’t found the Lilin. The crone all but said it was me. You even came back up—” My voice cracked again and I didn’t know why—why knowing that the reason he’d returned to the school was that he thought I was taking souls and nothing else hurt like a stab to the chest. “You came back because you thought there was a good chance it was me. Why...why didn’t you tell me at the beginning?”
He turned his head and breathed deeply. “What good would it have done?”
“You should’ve told me.”
Roth hung his head. “I didn’t want to put that on you.”
Something lurched in my chest at the soft admission, but there was something else I needed to know. “What are your orders if I’m the one causing this?”
He shook his head a little.
Anger rose swiftly through me and I reached up, knocking his arms down. “Tell me.”
Roth’s gaze latched on to mine. “I’m to take care of you.”
Hearing his words was like being smacked. “In other words, you were going to kill me?”
He swallowed. “Layla—”
“Oh my God, Roth, you...you’re really here to take me out, aren’t you? If you find proof or another demon or the Wardens discover that it’s me, you’re here to stop me.”
“It would be my job to do so.”
“Are you serious?” I slid along the side of the elevator, putting space between us. My stomach roiled. After what we’d shared, after he’d comforted me when I admitted my fears... “I trusted you. Jesus, everything about you—about us—has been nothing but a manipulation. Do you understand that? You were here the first time around to find Paimon and I was just a means to an end then. And now I’m literally the means and the end for you. Another f**king job.”
He flinched.
I moved in a tiny circle, pushing the hair out of my face. My thoughts whirled and bounced from one messed up thing to another. “Is there anything else that I don’t know that you want to tell me?”
There was a pause and even as he shook his head, I knew differently.
I lowered my hands, staring at him. “You’re lying now.”
“You don’t understand.”
That was it. I lost it. Who knew what exactly flipped the switch. The fact that Roth was technically topside to kill me might have had something to do with it. My arm swung back and my hand cracked across his face. The blow stunned him, but didn’t move him. And he didn’t retaliate. He just stared at me. Silent. Full of more secrets. I swung again and his hand snapped out, catching my arm.
“Stop it,” he said.
I was beyond listening.
Bringing my leg up, I aimed my knee at a vulnerable spot, but he whipped me around before I could make contact. He crossed my arm over my front and then locked me in an embrace.
“Let me go!” I shrieked, throwing my weight back.
Roth braced himself. “Yeah, I don’t think I want to get bitch slapped again.”
I pulled my legs up and then swung my upper body weight down. Caught off guard, the momentum pitched us forward. He shifted, taking the brunt of the fall, but rolled quickly, forcing me onto my stomach. I started to push up, but he was suddenly on me, the entire length of his body pushing me down.
“Stop,” he hissed into my ear. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
My heart turned over. “Yet.”
Roth suddenly shifted, rolling me onto my back. Before I could raise my arms, he caught them, pinning them above my head. Raising my hips, I tried to knock him off, but that ended up having the complete opposite effect, pushing him farther down on me.
His eyes met mine and something shifted in his gaze. My chest rose and fell in ragged breaths. Roth didn’t look angry as he held me down and my emotions were too much of a storm to pick up anything from him, but when his gaze dropped to my lips, the shadows that formed across his face made him look...hungry.
In spite of the billion reasons why this was wrong, the familiar wave of awareness rose between us, a connection that threaded us together.
“Please,” I whispered.
He popped off me and was on the other side of the elevator in a blink. His eyes were glowing as he straightened.
Pushing to my feet and panting, I hit the emergency button again and the elevator kicked into gear. He took a step forward and I shook my head.
Roth closed his hands. “Layla...”
“Did I mean anything to you?” I knew I’d asked him that before, but now...now it meant so much more. And when he didn’t answer again, I nodded, finally getting it. I cleared my throat, but it ached when I spoke. “I don’t want you coming near me.”
His jaw worked. “That’s not possible.”
“I don’t care what you think is possible. You come near me and I will hurt you,” I warned. And then it struck me. Bambi. It suddenly made sense why he’d ordered the snake to stay with me. After all, it was like having a GPS chip installed in the form of a demonic tattoo. “Bambi, off.”
Roth’s eyes widened. “Layla, that’s not smart. Don’t do it. Bambi is as much a part of you as she is me.”
“I don’t want anything that is a part of you.” I called the snake again and she spilled into the air, forming between us. “Go to him,” I said, voice thick and shaky.
Bambi cocked her head to the side, studying me. As the elevator stopped and the door slid open, she turned to Roth.
“No,” he said. “Layla, you need me. You need—”
“Stay away from me.” I backed out of the elevator as I reached up, snapping the chain off my neck. I tossed the necklace at his feet. “Just stay away from me.”
The elevator door slid shut on Roth and Bambi as I turned and ran out of the small lobby, into the cold night.
Zayne was waiting, leaning against the Impala. He pushed off the car when he saw me. “Whoa. You okay?”
“Yeah.” I slowed down, glancing over my shoulder. Roth hadn’t followed me out. “We need to go.”
Instead of asking a dozen questions, he opened the passenger door for me and then jogged around to his side. But the moment the door closed and the engine roared to life, the reprieve was over. “What happened?”
I shook my head, not sure where to start. “I need a minute.” Leaning forward, I pressed my hands against my face.
Zayne reached over with one hand, wrapping it around my knee as he hit the roads. “I’m here.”
Nodding, I closed my eyes. Those were the only two words spoken the entire ride back to the compound. Whatever Zayne sensed, he knew it wasn’t the time to push. And that was good because I didn’t know what to say.
For the most part, I was numb. Or maybe some part of me had already accepted the truth, gotten all up and friendly with the idea when I started putting two and two together earlier, but Roth’s betrayal cut deep.
He’d known this whole entire time, since he’d come back. Every time he’d spoken with me, he could’ve told me, especially when I’d gone to him last time. He could’ve told me. But why would he? I’d trusted him. As stupid as that was, I’d trusted him and if he’d found proof beyond a doubt that I had been responsible, it would’ve been easy to get to me.
God, all those times I’d been alone with him. The day I’d been in the bottom of the Palisades with him, in his loft... I shuddered. He could’ve “taken care” of me any of those times. And that hurt because, damn, it was honesty time. Even though he’d rejected me like I was faulty brakes and there was Zayne and every wonderful thing I felt for him, I still—deep down, nestled in a part of me I held close—cared for Roth and those feelings were stitched inside me.
There was really nothing left to do but go rock in the corner somewhere. Okay. There was a lot to do. Like for starters, what next? Another shudder rocked me as I curled my fingers into the hair at my scalp.
“Layla?”
At the sound of Zayne’s voice, I lifted my head and realized we were sitting in the garage at the compound. The car was off. I had no idea how long we’d be in here, but chilly air had seeped into the interior.
I looked at him and he was pale, but his gaze was steady. “Let’s get inside,” he said. “And we’ll talk. All right?”
The house was silent as we headed in, passing Morris in the foyer. He was carrying a pot of poinsettias into one of the living rooms. Upstairs, Zayne closed the door behind us.
I turned just as he crossed the room and his arms circled my shoulders. He didn’t say anything as he drew me against his chest. For a few peaceful moments, I leaned into him, closing my eyes. When I was with him, when he held me like this, I felt like I had before all of this began. But I really couldn’t live in the past.
Drawing back, I lifted my head, preparing myself to tell him what the crone had said and what Roth had admitted to. I had no idea where we’d go from here, but everything had changed and I had to deal with that.
I didn’t get to speak, though.
Zayne cupped my face with both hands, smoothing his thumbs along my cheekbones. My eyes fell shut again and as his breath danced over my lips, the troubles eased off, temporarily retreating into the background. Kissing him shouldn’t be high on the priority list, but he was safe with me, and I needed to be reminded of that in this moment when I felt like a monster.
His mouth brushed over mine in the sweetest way possible, and my lips immediately opened to him. A deep sound rumbled from him as he deepened the kiss. I breathed in his taste, moaning against his lips as we both took the kiss deeper.
A tremor coursed through Zayne’s hands, and his fingers curled in, digging into my cheeks. The spark of pain snapped my eyes open. His were wide, unseeing and I...I felt it.
It gathered in the pit of my stomach, like a tight ball of energy. I grasped his wrists, hoping to break his hold before it was too late.
But it was already too late.
I could feel Zayne’s essence—his pureness—and it tasted like peppermint. The tremor in his hands spread to his body. Panic dug in with nasty claws. I struggled against his bruising hold, but he was locked on.
And I was taking his soul.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
The purity of Zayne’s soul, the power in it, hit every cell in my body and the demon inside me soaked it up like a flower thirsting for water and sunlight.
Horror seized me as his pupils dilated until there was only a thin slice of blue. I was taking his soul—taking Zayne’s. His body shook as his hands—his claws—dug into my cheeks. Fiery pain sliced through me as wet, warm liquid spilled down my face. I had to stop this. In an act of desperation, I slammed my knee into his stomach.
He broke free, lurching back. A ghastly shade of white replaced his golden complexion. His lips parted.
“Zayne...” I reached for him, but he went down before I could stop it.
His body hit the floor with a heavy thump and he didn’t move. Not even a twitch. Terror flooded my senses, erasing the pain. This couldn’t be happening. There was no way. It didn’t make sense. We’d kissed before and I hadn’t fed, but this time—oh God—this time there had been no hesitation. The moment his lips had touched mine, I had done the unthinkable. I wasn’t latched on to him for long, but the damage...the damage had been done.
And part of his soul swirled inside me, a glowing ball of warmth and light that was almost too beautiful to comprehend.
I never felt uglier, more monstrous, than I did in that moment.
Dropping to my knees beside his prone body, I placed my hands on his chest. I couldn’t feel any movement as I grasped his shoulders. “Zayne! Come on, Zayne! No. Oh God, no.” His head lolled to the side as I shook him. “Zayne!”
There was no response. Nothing.
Panicking, I shot to my feet and raced to my bedroom door. Throwing it open, I wasn’t even sure what I screamed, but I screamed something that was answered by pounding feet. Within seconds, Wardens crested the top of the stairs.
Dez’s eyes widened. “Jesus, Layla, your face!”
That wasn’t important. I whirled around, heading for my bedroom. “Please! You have to help him. Please!”
Dez followed at breakneck speed. When he saw Zayne on the floor, he turned ghost-white. “What happened, Layla?”
I dropped to Zayne’s side as Nicolai and several other Wardens filled the room. Slipping my hands under his head, I blinked through the haze of tears. “I don’t know how it happened. He kissed me, but—”
“Oh God,” Dez whispered, placing his hand on Zayne’s chest. He lowered his ear over his parted lips. “Come on, man, come on.”
My entire body shook as tears streamed, stinging when they made contact with the wounds on my cheeks. “Please. You have to help him. Please.” I looked up, my blurry gaze moving over the faces of the Wardens. Danika was by the door, her hands placed against her mouth, her eyes full of horror. “Please...”
And then Abbot was there, pushing past the Wardens. He drew up short, his mouth dropping open. He stumbled a step, his large hand flying to his chest. “Son?”