36
Malia
ThismorningIwokeup wrapped in Liam’s arms, despite us falling asleep on opposite sides of the bed after he rejected me. I don’t blame him and I’m a bit of an asshole for pushing his limits like that when he’s held back from me so much. I can only blame my desperation to remember him along with everyone, and anything else.
While I was with Elio it was hard to find comfort. At first I wanted to believe what he told me so badly that I almost found it in him. But that feeling ofwrongjust loomed over my head like a dark cloud.
“You look confused,” Tyjae quips from the open double doors that lead back inside.
I snort, looking over the ledge into the garden.
“So, I look normal.”
She hums, walking up to the ledge to join me, then leans against it.
“How are you acclimating to all of this?” Tyjae asks.
“Fine. I’m not. All of the above,” I shrug. “They tell me stories about myself and I find myself so frustrated that I can’t remember them. I feel guilty they fought so hard to find me and ended up with… me instead.”
Tyjae frowns.
“I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now,” she sighs, turning to me. “How about the other stuff?”
My brows furrow and I look at her before reading between the lines.
I shake my head.
“I would say that I feel normal, but I guess I don’t know what normal feels like.” I pause. “The cravings are still there. Sometimes I’ll get a craving and my symptom is as minuscule as my hands shaking, and I’ll start to panic and look for Elio to give me my ‘medicine’ so it will go away.”
“That’s what he wanted,” she grumbles. “Your dependency, for you to be tied to him. He holds your drugs when you need it, or he wants to stick you, and you run to him. Boom. He’s created poly-dependency with his concoction of poly-bullshit-substance, or whatever-the-fuck they called it.”
I nod.
“And that’s why I’m fighting so hard to hide it, to bury it no matter how hard it hurts. It feels like he can see it,” I admit. “When I look for him and catch myself doing it, I imagine him walking around the corner with that fucking smirk just eating up what he’s done to me.” I huff out a humorless laugh. “The man is dead, only to me he’s alive, haunting me inside my head, and it’s the only thing in my head.”
“Malia,” Tyjae says in a tone that has my head snapping in her direction.
Her dark eyes bounce between mine and she frowns.
“I had a sister once. A twin sister named Jayla.”
I raise a brow at the sudden change of conversation.
“I watched men take her off the street one day and drive away.” She pauses, turning to face the woods. “We weren’t very old. Orphans. I knew Griffin even then.” She smiles. “Together Griffin helped me search for the men stealing children off the streets. It took years for me to find out Giovanni Ricci was the man running the show. I waited, biding my time for the right moment.”
“I was the right moment,” I say.
She nods. “And the wrong one. I tried to help you escape, gave you food and I directed your way out. You fought like fucking hell, too, so you could get the baby away from Elio.”
My hands fall to my stomach and I try to feel for something that should be missing, but I have nothing to compare it to.
“You found out that night and I planted that seed in your head to escape,” Tyjae says with a strained voice. “I blame myself for what happened, for not having done more to ensure you got out okay. When Elio shot you, I decided we wouldn’t strike out until you were out this time.
“With your memory gone it became even harder, and I couldn’t leave you to deal with those people by yourself like that. I stayed as your guard until we got the information we needed to find your family.”
“You found them first?” I ask, not knowing she was the reason Nathaniel found me in Italy.
Tyjae shakes her head. “They were already on their way to Italy when Griffin got here.” She blows out a harsh breath. “Malia, I can never make up for having to stand aside while all those things happened—“