“Listen to me.I wouldneverdo that.”Mia readjusts her arms around my neck, but she doesn’t let go.“There’s zero chance of that happening.”
Mia takes a shuddering breath.“That’s not even true, Bristol.When you marry Will you’ll want your own kids instead of us.”
The back of my neck flushes hot.It doesn’t stop.Heat goes down my spine and into my lungs.I give Will another look.Marriage?Children?I probably just look panicked.Will doesn’t seem bothered in the least, but maybe he’s also doing his best to hide it.
I can’t look at him, otherwise I’ll actually freak out.Of all the things I was prepared to talk about today, marrying Will and having children with him wasn’t on the list.
Mia pulls back to look at me.I leave one hand on her shoulder and catch Ben’s eye.This is not the first time I’ve had to have a difficult conversation with them.It definitely won’t be the last.I can do this.
“Mia.Ben.”A deep breath.“I don’t know when I’ll get married and have children, or if I will at all.But no matter what, you’ll be with me.Understand?”
Mia and Ben exchange a look.Neither of them look very convinced.
“Yeah, but…” Mia swipes at her face with her sleeve.She has bags under her eyes.All I want for her tonight is to be able to fall asleep.“You don’t know for sure.”
“No, I’mcompletelysure.I want dad to get better, but even if he doesn’t…” I just can’t bring myself to think he’ll die.We need to do the same thing either way.If he recovers enough to leave the hospital, I have to get official custody of my siblings.“Even if he doesn’t, you’re always going to be my brother and sister.And we’ll always be together.”
Ben’s eyebrows pull together.“What about when we go to college?”
It makes me want to laugh and cry simultaneously.He sounds so serious, so sure, about his college plans.
“Why would we do that?”Mia stares at him like he’s said the unthinkable.“Why would we go to college?”
He shrugs.“We might get in.”
“Bristol didn’t go to college.”
“I haven’t gone to collegeyet.” I rub Mia’s arm.It’s probably for the best if we don’t get into too much detail about why I haven’t gone to college.Nowshelooks concerned.“But if I did decide to get a degree, I wouldn’t move anywhere for it.We’d be together.”
“Some colleges are really far away.”Ben taps at the comforter, fretting.
“There are lots of places to go to college in the city.”Will hasn’t moved from the doorway.He looks like he wants to be closer.“I got my degree at one of them.”
“But where did youlive?”There’s hope in Ben’s voice, but even more worry.
“Ben.Buddy.”He looks at me, biting his lip again.“We have a long time to think about college.You haven’t even started middle school.How come it’s on your mind tonight?”
“I was thinking about it before.Like on Friday.Because this career lady came to talk to our class, and she was talking about—” He shakes his head, cheeks flushing.“She was saying stuff about money and—anddorms.Where you have to live by yourself.Or with people you don’t know.”He cuts his eyes at Mia, and it starts to make sense.“And if you’re not with us—”
“Bristol’s right.”Will’s not even technically in the room, but his authority definitely is.“The two of you have plenty of time to figure out what you want to do.I’m not sure why anyone would talk to fifth-graders about—” He cuts himself off, glances briefly at the carpet, and looks back up.“Not every college has dorms.And not everybody lives in them even if they do.I lived with my brothers in an apartment.”
Ben’s eyes get wide.He looks like Will just announced that Santa Claus is, in fact, real, and he and his elves have gifted Ben his own personal math museum.“Youdid?”
Will clears his throat, the corner of his mouth curving.It’s hisI’ve-gone-too-farexpression.The vulnerable one.“Yes.It was best for everyone at the time.Anyway.”He puts his hands in his pockets.“Don’t worry about tonight.Good night, Ben.Mia.”
They echo hisgood night, and he disappears down the hall.
“College is a discussion for later, when you’re not tired.”I give Mia another hug, then Ben.“And in the meantime, you’re with me, and we’re not splitting up.Got it?”
“Got it.”Both the twins get under the covers.
At the door, I pause with my hand on the light switch.“You sure?”
“Yeah.”Ben doesn’t sound as sure as I’d like, but it’s been a long day.
“Good night, guys.I’ll see you in the morning.”
I hit the light and close the door behind me.