Just the thought of it is enough to have my heart thundering in my chest. I’ll be honest, we haven’t spent too much time discussing all of the finer details of our upcoming wedding. Well, maybe a few, we know that it’s going to take place this year, and we know that we both want it to take place in Maui, out on the beach, at sunset. I’m going to wear white, and he’s going to wear midnight blue, and we’ll have a cake with strawberry cream.
Okay, so maybe I’ve put more thought into it than I want to admit. And maybe the thought of going to Greece is absolutely thrilling—one of those things that you never realized you wanted until the opportunity was there. The white sandy beaches are calling to me, and the crashing waves are already music to my ears. I can’t wait to spend two solid weeks there with Grant.
I’ve got just one more bit of wedding planning that hasn’t been done yet and can’t be put off. Luckily, I can get it taken care of right here, right now. I don’t even have to wait another day for it.
Pulling away from Grant, I go over to my dad. I take his hands in my own and smile at him, the warmth and joy blooming in my chest like a full field of flowers. “I want you to give me away, Daddy.”
Though my father is trying to look stern, he can’t. There are tears burning at the corners of his eyes, and he can’t help but clear his throat twice before he speaks, to try and keep it steady. “Of course, Ashley, I would be honored. Thank you, my dear.”
Charlie steps past his brother and grabs a bottle of wine off the table. He twists the cork out and fills a glass. “Alright then! Let’s get this celebration started!”
“Charlie,” scolds Cheryl, but Grant is laughing, and even Noelle seems happy enough to go over and grab herself a glass. My big moment didn’t turn out exactly the way that I had been expecting. Heather might have sniffed me out just before I could actually make a big announcement, but that doesn’t matter.
My whole family is here. Everyone actually seems happy for a change. Even my father has managed to strike up an earnest-looking conversation with Don. And when I turn to look over my shoulder at Grant—who is in deep conversation with his brother, the both of them laughing and smiling like they didn’t all through London— all I can think about is how excited I am to start the rest of my life with him.
Our wedding can’t come soon enough.
Grant
“Brooke,”Ashleycalls.Shereaches up and adjusts the floppy-brimmed hat on her head. A black ribbon has been wrapped around it, same as the black ribbon wrapped around the middle of her white sun dress. The skirt of it is caught in the wind. “Don’t leave Holly behind!”
“Sorry,” Brooke calls out, turning around and grabbing onto her cousin’s hand. “Come on, Holly. If we want to swim before we have lunch, we have to hurry!”
Holly is only four years old, but she loves her cousin so much. She starts running after Brooke, the two of them have already taken off their sundresses to reveal their bathing suits underneath. Brooke is in a black one-piece, and Holly’s white and pink polka dot swimsuit has a pink tutu around the hips.
We’re still living at my lake house, but it’s never quiet these days. There’s always a child running around, always laughter in the air. I never thought that I would have a life like this. I was closed off for so long after my brother died—afraid of the heartbreak of loss, if I gave away my heart.
But Ashley, she’s a different sort. She’s here. All this time, even with the long hours that I work as the CEO for my family’s company, she's still here. We’re happier than we’ve ever been.
Our five-year anniversary is coming up next month, and I’ve been trying to come up with something that we could do to celebrate, all of us, as a family. Right now though, we’re just taking a weekend break. My phone, my tablet, and my laptop have been locked in my office, to ensure that I don’t need to stop in the middle of our day to deal with anything work-related.
My beautiful wife has our second child, Thomas, on her hip. Thomas, who answers to Tommy, is only two, but he’s bright-eyed and eager to learn. Naming him after my brother was an easy choice—I want my brother’s memory to live on.
I’ve barely sat the picnic basket with our lunch in it down before Brooke is grabbing my hand. “Come play with us in the water!”
“Yeah,” echoes Holly. “Come play with us, Daddy! Come play with us!”
“I don’t know that your mother wants to deal with getting lunch together all by herself,” I say.
But Ashley leans forward, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “It’s fine. Go on and play with them. I’ll handle things up here. Tommy’s going to help me. Right, Tommy?”
Tommy cheers and claps his hands together, and I kiss him on the forehead before I find myself pulled out to the edge of the lake. It’s still just as clear as it’s always been. A play set has been added into the backyard, just barely visible from where we’re standing.
Brooke takes Holly’s hand and they slosh into the waters. Holly is a good swimmer for her age, but she’s still wearing a bright pink life jacket that includes the floaties on her arms, and Brooke has been given strict instructions to never take Holly out past the shallow end.
Brooke is ten now, and she’s a very good cousin, and takes her responsibility as being the oldest of the three children very, very seriously. I see a lot of her father in her. Sometimes, I see so much of Thomas that it makes grief burn in the back of my chest all over again.
But that’s the nature of grief, isn’t it? Once it’s bitten you, it never fully goes away. You just learn to live with it, and you find ways to surround yourself with a brighter, warmer light. So even though the shadows never fully vanish, they also never overtake your soul. And we carry on the legacies of the ones we’ve lost with grace.
I crouch down in the shallows in my black and yellow swim trunks bracing one hand on the soft mud at the bottom of the lake. It has a layer of white pebbles and silt over it, and that slides beneath my palm.
“I have a very important question for you girls,” I say. “And it’s a secret, too.”
“Secret! We keep secrets,” says Holly, rushing over.
A serious look settles on Brooke’s face. She hurries to join her cousin, both nodding their heads. “Yeah. We can keep a secret.” And then, “What kind of a secret?”
“I need to take Ashley somewhere very special next month,” I tell them. “For a huge celebration.”