He places his hand over my heart. He draws a long breath, releases it slowly. Then, he draws another breath. He keeps doing it until I’m doing it, until my body is mimicking his. Only then does he pull out.
Fluid gushes from me, coating the inside of my thighs and soaking into my tunic. I should be embarrassed but all I can think about is how it’s all going to waste outside of my body.
I can’t make heads or tails of my thoughts. I can’t even sort out my feelings.
Because there’s no explanation truly needed, is there? Feelings are the answer. I want to follow them. No matter the cost.
His thumb drifts over my lips. “We can’t do that again.”
I sit up, nearly knocking my head into his. His quick movement keeps our foreheads from colliding.
“Why?” I heave. “Just why?”
“It’s not right.”
I shake my head, swallowing repeatedly. The word pours from me, the same question, over and over it churns the air. “Why?”
“My cousin…”
“You’re not your cousin.”
He crawls back. “The bond, Amber. It’s sacred.”
“Fuck sacred. Fuckme.”
“I won’t compromise my study. It’s all I have for myself!”
Oh.
Oh.
That’s what this is all about.
His precious study. The alluring bond between bloodbags and their feeders makes this appealing, doesn’t it? Maybe the sex isn’t the byproduct of feelings—but of him trying toinfluenceme.
To test the bond.
To experiment.
I tuck my knees to my chest. “Oh.”
I can’t say much else.
But he’s right. We can’t compromise the results of his littletests. Especially if they mean more to him than I do.
I’m so stupid. I really fell for it, didn’t I?
I sit up and crack my neck. It’s stiff. But I’m not sore like I thought I would be. By all accounts, I’m fine.
Mostly.
“Let me know if you need anything later.” Walls return. The tower erects itself, built anew. It’s all coming together nicely. “I’ll be working on your cousin’s things until your next feeding.”
“Amber, wait.”
I turn my back to him. “Goodnight, Darius.”
He’s speechless. Or he’s gone.