“I think I’m going to go crazy waiting to taste you,” he murmured close to her ear, near enough to feel the way her body started at the hot brush of his breath against her skin.
“I can’t make any promises until I see how Marc settles down tonight.” She peered at Christian from beneath long, sable lashes. “But I very much want to get my hands on you, as well.”
His body reacted predictably to her bold remark. Heat poured into his groin while his muscles tightened in delicious anticipation. She left him breathless and off his game. He slid his fingers around her waist and drew her against his side while his lips grazed her temple.
“No one has ever gotten to me the way that you do.” Before hunger overrode his willpower, he set her free and raked both hands through his hair. “What changed your mind?”
“I haven’t.”
“But you just said...” He regarded her, his brain blurry with confusion, wondering what to make of her secretive smile.
“That I’ve given up trying to fight the chemistry between us. I want to make love with you. It’s all I thought about the entire trip here, but I long ago discovered, sex with you does not necessarily mean we have a future.”
* * *
Noelle hadn’t meant the remark to be cruel, but he had to understand where she was coming from. “I’m sorry if that sounded harsh.”
“Don’t be sorry. I had that coming. You’re right. When we were together before, I had no intention of giving up my freedom. I lived in the moment and enjoyed being irresponsible and egocentric.”
His words rang with regret, but Noelle wasn’t sure he’d changed all that much. “And yet without the actions of your brothers putting you in the difficult position of being the only one who can produce an heir for the throne, you wouldn’t be here with Marc and me this weekend.”
The truth weighed heavy on her heart. But it didn’t stop her from wishing he wanted her and Marc in his life simply because he cared about them. When she tried a smile, the corners of her mouth quivered with the effort of appearing poised and understanding.
“I’m not as bad as you think I am.”
“You misunderstand me. I don’t think you’re bad. I just don’t want you to think it’s unreasonable for me to doubt your sincerity.”
“What does that mean?”
“Be truthful. You want to have sex with me and hope that I will fall back in love with you so we can marry and you can fulfill your obligation to Sherdana.”
“You make me sound like a coldhearted bastard.” He glared down at her. “Yes, I want us to have sex. Making love to you remains the most inspiring, mind-blowing pleasure I’ve ever had with any woman. Was I a fool to push you out of my life and give that up? Of course. But I was stupid and afraid, and at the time it seemed like the best thing to do.”
Noelle’s breath lodged in her chest at his passionate declaration. She could believe that he valued their physical intimacy as much as she had. Although she’d been relatively inexperienced where men and sex were concerned, Christian had been as susceptible to her touch as she’d been to his.
“This is all so complicated,” she murmured, her gaze trailing after Marc as she tried to remind herself where her priorities lay.
“It doesn’t have to be.”
Christian took her hand and squeezed with firm tenderness. Then he lifted it to his face and grazed the inside of her wrist with his lips. Noelle’s full attention returned to Christian. Inside she shivered half in terror, half in delight. But when he gave her a smile of heartbreaking gravity, her heart skipped a beat.
Was he right? Should she just forget past disappointments and focus on the future? Once upon a time she would have given anything to marry Christian. Would she have cared if he only wanted her for the child she carried?
No.
She would have wanted her son to know his father and claim his birthright. Being afraid of getting hurt again was not a valid reason to keep Christian and Marc apart.
Noelle gathered a deep breath. “After dinner we should tell Marc you’re his father. If we let this drag out much longer, he’s going to be very confused that we didn’t tell him sooner.”
“I’d like that.”
They completed the circuit of the battlements and headed back inside the castle to clean up before dinner. Marc was covered in dirt, but Noelle judged him too wound up to attempt a bath. Instead, she washed his hands and face and urged him into clean clothes before leaving him occupied with a game on her tablet so she could freshen up and change for dinner.