A bird somewhere in a nearby tree chirped, and the leaves began to rustle from a gentle wind. Could Preach and I ever reconnect? I wasn’t so sure. I thought I’d forgiven him about the accident. And I knew, logically, that it was an accident. But I was really struggling. My entire future had been planned, and now I had nothing. How could I be in a relationship with Preach when he reminded me of everything I’d lost?
But my head was not talking to my heart. Because when I pictured Preach, I felt an overwhelming sadness. As in, soul-crushing sadness. I missed his hugs. His kisses. Spending time with him. Basically everything about him.
I cared about him so much, but it was just too painful to be with him.
I shook my head. The thoughts were too overwhelming.
“You two have a complicated history,” Willow started to say, “but that doesn’t mean that you can’t have a great future.”
I wiped my cheeks with the sleeves of my sweatshirt. “You really are an optimist, aren’t you?”
Chapter Forty-One
Preach
“Dude, you got to snap out of this man,” Brodie said as he punched my shoulder.
“I’m not sure I can.” I scrubbed my face with my hands and let out a long breath.
Brodie dragged me out to the park with him and Caleb. Brodie’s little brother was climbing all over the playground equipment while we sat on the bench off to the side.
The early afternoon sun was high, but everything felt dim. Heavy.
Caleb let out a cough, and Brodie tensed beside me.
“He doing okay?” I asked while watching Caleb climb up the ladder to the slide area.
“Yeah. His lungs, though…” Brodie sighed. “It’s rough, I’m not gonna lie. But we’re not here to talk about my little brother’s health.”
“Might as well, cuz I’m not talking about Grace.”
“Actually, you are.” He pinned me with a look. “While I’d never want you falling back into Reckless Preach mode, I’m not sure I like Lay Around the House Preach, either.”
He wasn’t wrong. It’d been two weeks since Grace had flat-out told me she wanted nothing to do with me ever again, and outside of track practice and meets, I didn’t do much.
Didn’t want to.
“I’ve said I was sorry. She won’t say anything other than a few words here or there at school or at track.” I leaned forward and jammed my elbows into my knees and then rested my head in my hands. “Everything is just so messed up.”
“And you’re sitting around letting it stay that way.” Brodie nudged me. “You’re not doing shit toreallytry and get back with her. It’s like you don’t want her or something.”
I wanted Grace. More than any girl I’d ever dated. But she’d hurt me. Bad.
“She doesn’t want to be with me. She cut me out of her life and made it abundantly clear she doesn’t want me back in it.”
Brodie shook his head. “Dude, people say things they don’t mean when they’re upset. It happens all of the time.”
Caleb let out a squeal as he hung upside down from the monkey bars.
“Hey, Limp Lungs,” Brodie called out. “Be careful, man.”
I chuckled at Brodie’s nickname for his little brother. He had asthma, pretty bad. Limp Lungs was based on their favorite movie,The Goonies. Every single time he said it, I laughed. Those guys were tight. They’d been through hell and back.
It’d be tough for the little guy when Brodie went off to college. So maybe it was a good thing I wasn’t going anywhere. That was about theonlything good about my not going to Alabama anymore.
Brodie and Caleb had temporarily moved in with my family last Christmas. Their dad was an alcoholic and couldn’t take care of them. It became official when their dad got thrown into jail and my parents got custody of them.
Brodie pulled out his phone and grunted. “Shit. Pax needs a ride.”