“Yeah,” I assure him, sucking in a breath as I deliberately slow my steps. It hits me that I could’ve called Juniper, and she would’ve been here in minutes.
So why didn’t I?
“Yes, I’m fine. I just had someone startle me.” I look over my shoulder, but the man isn’t there anymore. Still, I can’t shake thefeeling that he is, or that he’s hiding at the corners of my vision and if I keep looking around fast enough—
“Where are you?” He doesn’t sound so worked up, and in the background, I think I hear Oliver’s questioning voice. “You promise me you’re safe?”
What an ironic question coming from him.
“Yeah,” I breathe, closing my eyes hard for a moment and standing still in the street. “Yes, I’m okay and everything. Someone startled me. I don’t know, I’m on edge lately. I think…” trailing off, I suck in a breath. “I just wanted someone to talk to on my way home. But I didn’t mean to interrupt whatever you two were doing.”
“I’ll talk to you, unless you’d prefer Oliver. He’s a little out of it, but I can get him up for you, I believe.” I’m not sure what ‘out of it means’ in this context, but I shake my head.
Realizing he can’t see me, I smile ruefully and say, “I’m more than okay talking to you, Professor.”
“You can call me Rook outside of class, Love,”he reminds me with a sniff. “What have you been doing tonight?”
“Oh, you know. Taking some pictures for extra credit. I’m taking this photography class with this professor who’s kind of insane about grading, so I don’t have an A+. Not sure he’ll like these either, but maybe I can drag up that B of mine before the end of the semester.”
“Do you deserve an A, Love?”he hums, making a soft shushing noise that I’m pretty sure isn’t directed at me.
“Absolutely I do.” It’s much easier to talk like this when he isn’t in front of me, I find. “I’m the best student ever. Umm…” I trail off, then ask, “Oliver’s okay, right? He’s not hurt or anything? I watched the news report earlier about, you know. But he’s okay?”
Rook chuckles against the phone. “Yes, Love. He’s more than all right. He’s just been a little frustrated with me for being so busy, so I was reminding him how much I love him.”
I’ve certainly never heard either of them use the strong L-Word before, outside of its connection to my name, and it takes me back slightly. “You love him?” The words come out without my permission, and I wince as I turn onto my street. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to—”
“Of course I do. I’ve loved him for over a year, and I like to remind him of that. He’s fine. He likes it when I’m rough with him, but I’m a big proponent of aftercare, even if he says he doesn’t need it.” In the background, Oliver says something I can’t make out, though it draws a huffed chuckle from Rook. “Maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime, Love.”
“Oh.” There’s really nothing else to say, and I let out a tense breath I hadn’t known I was holding as I reach the elevator of my building. “I’m. Umm, home now,” I tell him, feeling the words fall from my mouth like stones. “I didn’t mean to interrupt you—”
“You’re always welcome to interrupt us. Do you want anything? Need anything?”
“No. I’m fine,” I assure him, feeling small and vulnerable when he says shit like that. It isn’t a bad feeling, exactly. Just incredibly strange. “I’m going to go.” I’m suddenly uncomfortable, now that I’m not terrified. “Tell Oliver, uh, hi?” That’s pretty lame, but I can’t think of anything else.
“Will do. Text him to let him know you’re all right in the morning, please.” It’s not a question or a request. But I agree and hang up, then step into the elevator and hit the button so I can lean hard against the far wall and close my eyes hard.
Why didn’t I just call Juniper? I’m supposed to be proving to them that I want them to leave me alone.Notthat I want themto stick around or to keep popping up in my life. I could’ve called her, and they never would’ve known.
I could cut them out, and they would leave me alone.
So why is it that the thought makes me nauseous, uncomfortable, and a bit sad?
Chapter 23
No matter how much I want to avoid it, I can’t. No matter if I want to stop any conversation from happening, or for Oliver to think Ineedhim, I don’t know how to get around it this time.
I don’t have an eye for photography, and I don’t know what to choose for my extra credit. More than that, I need him to read over the report I’d written alongside the group project. When I’d told Oliver after thekidnappingthat I’d be doing it myself, he hadn’t argued. He’d been completely fine with me doing it myself, if that’s what I wanted.
Of course, now that’s led me here.
I’m not a photography major. I’m not even that knowledgeable about the subject. He is, and he lives with the asshole professor who assigned this in the first place. If anyone can help me figure out what I’m doing so I don’t fail the class, it’s him.
I let out a breath and close my eyes hard, one hand already reaching for my phone. I don’t know if we can do this over a call. More than likely, I’m going to invite him here, and I have a feeling it won’t be a fifteen minute visit.
The problem, obviously, is that I don’twantit to be. Flickers of him fucking me in front of my viewers continuously play through my brain. And while I want to be able to not think about it, maybe, I can’t seem to stop.
The other problem is that I want to do it again. I want him to pin me down the moment he gets here, and—