Ben’s eyes grew to the size of saucers. and his little mouth flew open. “Really?!” He exclaimed, his excitement a little too loud for the people around us, garnering their attention, and making me cringe.
“Yeah, little man. I race cars for my job.” I wanted to reach out and scruff Julian’s hair. I wondered if it was as soft as it’d been when I was allowed to freely skim my fingers through it. I’m not sure why that thought popped into my brain, but I mentally told my arm to stand down. “You know, your mom and I know each other a little better than she claims. We used to hang out a lot buddy, we used to be best friends at one point.”
“What’d you do when you hung out?” He questioned in that sweet little innocent voice, hanging on Julian’s every word.
My eyes widened in holy terror as I waited for Julian’s response. He smirked at me, and my stomach dropped. He wouldn’t…
“We used to play Hot Wheel cars together, buddy.”
His eyes lit up with overwhelming joy before he squealed, a little too loudly, “Really? Mama and l play with Hot Wheels, too.”
He chuckled low. “I’m sure you do, buddy.”
My heart rate only calmed briefly before it rushed back down the mountain of my soul without my permission. Julian was going to give me a heart attack. Pain covered his face, his mouth tight in a grimace. He was pissed. I could tell that for certain, and I didn’t want him to take out his anger with me by spouting things to my little boy for revenge. I also didn’t need him to tell Ben before I had the chance that he was Ben’s father.
He wasn't that vindictive, but then again, it's been years and he's just found out he has a son. I may not know Julian at all anymore. I kept this from him because I knew his thoughts on kids, having spoken about it several times growing up.
He would make a great father; I had no doubt about that. He may have gone off into the world and became a hot shot racer, but I was hopeful he still had his small town roots.
Watching the two of them together made me realize how much Ben needed a man in his life. I wanted to melt into a puddle of goo. He was good with Ben, just like I knew he would be. Guilt crept into my mind, chastising me for my decisions all those years ago, and my stomach tightened. How would things be different now?
Ben had Luke before, but he was a grandpa, not someone who could be out in the front yard throwing a ball around or playing with Hot Wheels in the grass.
He needed Julian, and, in a way, I did too, but there was no way he’d be okay with it now. Tortured disbelief hung in those dark tinted eyes as he pushed away and stood up from the table; his chair scraping in the stagnant silence on the patio below it.
Those eyes focused on me as he spoke his next words. “We’ll be in touch, Annagayle. Looks like we have plenty of things to talk about.” My stomach dropped as color drained from my face. I couldn’t see it, but I could only imagine how I looked.
And, with that, he left. No goodbye. No smile. None of the Ace charm I remembered. Why did I expect anything more? I’d essentially kept a very big secret from him for all these years.
His figure faded as he walked away from The Village Parlor. My eyes were drawn to my little boy. The urge to make sure he was okay pummeled through me like a Mama lion protecting her cub. He had a smile on his face the size of Texas. “I liked him, Mama! Think he’d ever come over and play Hot Wheels with me? He said he liked them.”
Tears formed in my eyes. “Of course, buddy. I’m sure he’d love that.” I just hoped that Julian didn’t hold it against Ben for something that was my decision alone. His lips tipped up on the sides before he started to lick his ice cream off the spoon again. Reaching over, I ran my fingers through his dark hair.
It seemed to make me feel more grounded. Ben always did that for me. He was my soul. My life. Everything I did revolved around him. Unfortunately, he had no idea how much his life was about to change. Or how much it’d already changed.
* * *
Savannah’s mouth dropped open.“Holy cow, I can’t believe he hunted you down. Did he even tell you why?”
I swung my head from side to side. “No, but now he knows. I think he’s pissed, Sav. The look he gave me was so tortured. I felt like the worst human.”
She reached out and grabbed a hold of my hand as she sat beside me on the couch. “Sweets, you didn’t exactly tell him. In fact, you and his father kept it from him for years. He probably feels hurt and blindsided. I can’t say I’d be happy if I was him, either.”
I frowned at Savannah, my best friend and the mother to Ben’s best friend, Rex. Savvy and her husband, Hutchison, lived on the one side of us; Sam lived on the other side. Ben and I had gotten pretty lucky in the neighbor department. When Kahlia isn’t able to babysit, I can always count on Sav, and when they want a night out, I’ll watch Rex so they can have some peace and quiet.
They’d been married now for about six years. Savannah and I had gotten pregnant around the same time, but mine wasn’t intentional, although I kind of enjoyed being pregnant with my best friend.
I was especially grateful to Hutch. He’d taken Ben under his wing from the start, treating him like his own. But there were still things that Hutch couldn’t give my little boy. He needed a daddy, and I just hoped and prayed that Jullian would come around.
My phone sat quietly on the table before me, not having made a sound all day, and my anxiety was getting the best of me. When would he want to talk? How do I explain? What will he think? How will he react? I'm hoping the silence is because he's simply busy with the car shop and getting Luke's final affairs in order and not because he's avoiding me.
My eyes found our boys in the living room. Ben and Rex were night and day. Where Ben had his fathers dark hair and dark eyes, Rex had light blonde hair and blue eyes.
All of a sudden, they started yelling. “Hey, that’s mine!”
“Mom, tell him to give it back. It was my turn.”
I looked over at Sav and laughed, remembering we were like that when we were kids too. Julian, Sav, and I had all grown up here in Silverbell Shore. Hutchison had moved here for a job and never looked back after he met my sassy best friend.