“You know… Ben told me that you’ve been lonely and crying lately. Wanna explain to me what that’s all about?” She sighed and bit down on her bottom lip.
“It’s just… hard. Being a parent and having to try to keep a five-year-old alive every moment of every single day, and I love him dearly, truly, I do, but there are just some things he asks me that are probably better being answered by a man. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely love our son, but sometimes I just need a little break. Mom and Dad help out a lot with watching him, but I feel bad dropping him off, ya know?”
I smiled at her. I could only imagine. “I understand completely. But… I gotta know… what kind of questions does he ask?”
She chuckled at me. “Well… there was a while there when he was obsessed with his penis. He wanted to know if it was going to get bigger when he was older. Some nights, I’d wake up to him staring at me, hand in his pants, and asking why it was harder than normal. No one tells you this about little boys; that apparently it's normal to have a boner at five years old. There is no handbook on what to do when your son asks such things. Thank God we’ve moved past that phase.”
My stomach started to hurt from all the laughing. “Don’t worry, it’ll only get worse as he gets older and hits puberty.”
“I’ll have you, though. You can tell him why his weiner grows. I one-hundred percent expect you to still be around. I’m serious. Don’t break our kids' hearts.” She was talking about Ben, but I got the impression that she was also asking me not to break hers. I had no plans of doing that. We sat and ate our food in silence before she spoke again, her face growing solemn. My stomach dropped. “Last night was amazing…”
“But…” I held my breath, waiting for her to tell me whatever it was she was thinking.
“Do you think it’s a good idea that we’re sleeping together? I mean, I don’t want to complicate anything with Ben. Don’t get me wrong, last night was fantastic. I just worry.”
She needed confirmation, so I would give it to her. Walking to her by the island, I stopped. “Do you regret what happened between us last night?”
She shook her head vigorously. “Oh, no. I don’t regret it. I just worry that sleeping together will mess with things. I don’t want any complications.”
For some reason, that comment struck a nerve and had me gritting my teeth. “You mean any more complications other than purposefully forgetting to tell me we created a child together?”
“How many times do I need to apologize? How long are you planning on holding it against me?” Tears shone in those dark hazel eyes. Anna rose before scurrying back to my room. I followed her only to find her dressing in her own clothes.
“What are you doing?” I asked.
Hurt shone in her eyes as she peered up at me. “I think it’s time for me to go home. This shouldn’t have happened. You can come and hang out with Ben as much as you want. I can’t keep you from him. I’ve done that long enough.”
“Anna…” I whispered.
Her head swung in a no as she backed away from my advances. It seemed as though she needed to keep air between us, so I stopped. “Look, Ben has to come first. He’s my number one priority. I don’t regret last night for a minute, but I think us being together will complicate things. I should’ve known that from the start.”
This had gone from an amazing night to a defcon one situation. She was slipping away, and there was no way in hell I’d let that happen. Over my dead body. This was my second chance with not just her. We were a family now. They were my world, even if they didn’t know it yet.
I sighed. “Will you please just sit down for a minute? I have something to say. Today I’m putting all my cards out on the table so you know how I feel. You’ve said your piece, now let me say mine, okay?”
She didn’t respond but moved to the bed to sit down. I paced in front of her for a minute, trying to get my scattered thoughts moving into one direction.
“I bet you don’t know that I was completely miserable that first year. I was worried, and when I got out there into the world, outside of this small town, I realized the mistake I’d made. I left you behind. My phone grew silent, and our calls grew fewer and fewer. I should’ve known something was wrong. Hell, I wanted to come home, and Chaz was the only reason I didn’t. I ached for you. I still ache for you. So many times I wanted to come home, but I wanted to prove that I could do it. That the thing you pushed me away for was worth giving you up over. Do you know what I found out?”
A quick no jerked her head.
“I found out that driving a car, while completely world shattering, will never compare to being with you. You’re the one person I want to sit with on the bridge by the Old Mill. I want to be the only guy you take to the makeout spot inside the Mill. I could never imagine doing any of those things without you. I want to raise our son and be a family. I want to play Hot Wheels in the front yard with Ben and look at the stars through a telescope with him. I wanna see him grow up and be forced to give the incredibly awkward birds and the bees talk.”
“Julian…”
“Want to know why I was never with the same girl on my arm more than once? Because they meant nothing to me. I knew it was you that I wanted, and I planned on coming home one day and claiming you again. Yes, things are a little different than I planned, but it doesn’t change the way I feel about you or us. You never married, you want to know why?”
I didn’t give her time to respond to me before I sat down beside her and cupped her cheek in my palm. “Because we were meant to be, no matter how cheesy that sounds right now. I can be the man you need and the father Ben needs. I love you, Annagayle Rafferty, and that will never change. I want us to be a family, and then maybe sometime down the road we can add to our little family… so I can experience everything this time.”
Her mouth hung open as she stared at me. “I don’t know…”
I slid my head from side to side. “You don’t have to say anything now. I know this is a lot to throw at you. Hell, we’ve learned a lot of things over the last few days, and we need time to adjust. I’ll be here, Anna. I want to start hanging out with Ben, so if you don’t mind, I’ll come over later today so we can hang out.”
“Yeah, that’s fine.” She almost jumped out of her skin when her phone buzzed from the side table. I don’t remember it being there last night, so she must have brought it back when she ran from me in the kitchen.
She chewed on her bottom lip as she read the text. “What’s it say?” I asked before thinking it through.
“It’s Sav. She’s making the boys breakfast. I should really get going.” She got up and moved around to grab the rest of her stuff.