‘It really makes that much difference?’ Reproach bruised the blue of her eyes.
Oh, she was pissed off with him. And it made everything ten times worse.
‘Yeah. It does.’
‘Because now you think I’m somehow deficient? Or incompetent in my decision-making?’
‘No.’ His frustration swirled. ‘I just... I don’t want you to feel obligated towards me.’
Because he’d married her, to help her. And everything was all muddied in his head.
‘AndIdon’t want you to feel any kind of obligation towards me, either. I don’t want yourpitykisses, Elias, just because you now know I’m inexperienced. I knew I shouldn’t have told you. Do you really think I can’t separate feelings of gratitude from lust?’
‘So you do feel gratitude.’ That was the last thing he wanted.
‘Andlust. Or does the latter not count?’ She tilted her chin at him. ‘Do you really think I’m attracted to you because I see you as some kind of rescuer to me? Do you think my feelings aren’t fully formed?’
He stared at her. ‘Feelings?’
‘I have a number towards you right now, Elias. Anger being one. And yes, lust is another. You don’t seem to mind other women wanting you. Is it just me who’s not allowed to appreciate your form because I’ve never done this before?’
‘My form?’
‘You’re physically compelling, yes. You always have been.’
‘You have a lot going on,’ he said stubbornly.
‘Most people do,’ she said. ‘Even you. But you bury it deep and use work to block it off. And maybe, when there’s a lot going on, there’s something to be said for a blow-out. You do that. Just not with me. That’s fine. You don’t have to. So you can stop making excuses because I’m beyond embarrassed, I don’t care anymore. You don’t have to want me. But you didn’t need to lie about it tonight.’
He gritted his teeth. ‘Ididn’tlie.’ He stepped forward, right into her space. ‘Darcie—’
‘Don’t come near me now,’ she snapped. She was so angry with him.
But he didn’t back off. He stayed still.
He was the only man she’deverconsidered asking. And he was only one she’d thought might actually agree. She knew he liked sex. She’d seen him date an array of women over the time she’d worked for him. So she’d thought that maybe...maybe he’d have said yes to one night even as a novelty or something. Because she’d also known—courtesy of the hours they spent working—that he’d not dated a woman in a whilerecently. She’d half hoped he’d have been feeling base-level sexual frustration that he’d have been happy to act on. But he hadn’t. He’d rejected her. Immediately. Coolly. And he’d done it again now. She should have known he was always going to deny her. Everyone did. So she was going to remain a virgin wife. Unclaimed. Unwanted. She was always unwanted. As a child she’d sought a family for so long and never got one. Even now as an adult she didn’t get the things other people got. And she was furious about it.
‘You’re upset.’ Elias remained like a statue.
‘Yes. So I might say something I regret. I might—’ She broke off and blinked back angry tears. ‘Just leave me alone, Elias.’
‘I’m not leaving you while you’re upset.’
‘Even if your presence makes me all the more upset?’
His hands fisted by his side. ‘I’ve tried do what you want, Darcie.’
‘What I want?’
Not everything. Notnearlyeverything. But she was selfish and impetuous and greedy, and it hadn’t worked, and she wasn’t going to ask anymore. She wasn’t going to risk rejection all over again. It hurt too badly because she wanted it too much.
‘You look at me with those big blue eyes. Did you know they shimmer, Darcie?’ He growled. ‘And there are secrets in there. Tell me your secrets.’
‘I just did.’ Her voice croaked. ‘And still you said no.’
‘Because hedonism doesn’t seem like your style, Darcie. You’re more serious than that.’
‘Well, I’ve never really had the chance to find out, have I? There’ve always been other considerations.’