I didn't think it could. Until now. Until Snow.
When I'm near her, I feel myself coming back to life, as if I'm slowly shaking off the effects of some long, poisonous sleep. She's changing me. My soul is less black today than it has been at any point in the last decade. I feel more alive than I have since I was nineteen.
But does light always shine bright in the darkness? Or does the dark use up all it has to offer, draining it of the very flame that holds the deepest shadows at bay? That's the question that plagues me. My heart is Snow's, but can I ever deserve to hold hers in my hands? Can I ask her to live this life with me, or will doing so destroy the one thing that makes me feel alive?
I never thought following the lead Romano gave me about that damn warehouse would bring me to the edge of a crisis of faith. But I'm right there, anyway, trying like hell to convince myself that I can't keep Snow even when I already know damn well that I'm not ever letting her go. I doubt even hell itself could drag me from her side now.
One way or another, I'll find a way to keep her in my world while protecting her innocence. I won't allow this way of life to harden or darken her heart. I won't allow myself to destroy her light. It's too goddamn beautiful for that. She's too goddamn perfect for that. If I was made hard, it was to keep her soft. It was to protect her as fiercely as her little black dog does.
I jog down to the front gate to meet Dillon and Jude instead of letting them onto the property. Unless Dillon has a search warrant, he can kiss my ass. He's not getting onto the compound to look around. It's not a risk I'm going to take. I'm not telling him a fucking thing, either. Not when he's the reason Delilah knew where to find Snow in the woods.
"Jude," I growl, glaring daggers at my brother-in-law when I reach the gate. He's not on my good side at the moment. He could have called and given me a heads-up. "Sheriff. Carlton said you gentlemen requested my presence?"
"Dimitri," Jude says, a soft warning in his tone that I choose to ignore.
"Dimitri," Dillon says, leaning back against the hood of his SUV with his arms crossed. "Can we go inside and talk?"
"No. We can talk here."
Jude frowns at me. My brother-in-law is unfailingly polite. He does what's right because it's right. It would be annoying if he weren't so perfect for Devin. It's hard to hate a man who worships the ground your baby sister walks on. He'd die for her, no questions asked.
"You know how we feel about having people on the property," I mutter to Dillon, easing back on the asshole routine for Jude's sake. "It's nothing personal."
"Right." Dillon doesn't even blink.
Jude sighs.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"Aneira Buchanan."
"Never heard of her," I lie smoothly, leaning back against the gate. "Beautiful name though."
"She's a beautiful girl," Dillon says.
"Wouldn't know," I grit out, shoving my hands into my pockets to hide the way they clench. I don't like him calling her beautiful even though she is. I don't like the fact that other men even breathe the same air she does. It's not rational, but it's how I feel anyway. "I'll just have to take your word for it."
"You do that," Dillon mutters, peering through the bars of the gate. "Out of curiosity, are you still driving a black Range Rover?"
"Depends on why you're asking."
"Jesus Christ," Jude sighs, shaking his head. "Aneira Buchanan is a missing person, Dimitri. He has reason to believe she's been living in a hut out by The Falls. But four nights ago, six dead bodies showed up out there, and the girl is nowhere to be found."
"And you think I had something to do with this," I say, looking at Dillon.
"The thought crossed my mind." He meets my gaze, his expression frank. "Two black Range Rovers were seen leaving the area at a high rate of speed."
So Constantine was right. The cartel members who survived managed to get out of there before Dillon and his deputies arrived. Either they don't know who we are yet, or they're biding their time before they retaliate. Unless Dillon's lying, all he's got is a witness who saw our vehicles.
"What would I want with this girl?" I ask him.
"That's what I'd like to know."
I eye him for a long, silent moment. "Who were the bodies?"
"Cartel members," he mutters. "All with criminal records. All armed."
"Mm. Then it sounds to me like whoever has this girl now might just have saved her life," I say, surprised he's giving me info. I'm not exactly his favorite person. We're on opposite sides of the law and he's actually a decent cop. It makes shit between us complicated on a good day. Today is not one of those. "In my experience, cartel members are rarely up to any good, especially around beautiful young women. If someone took out six cartel members to protect her, good for them."