I almost snort in response, but something stops me. It rings true, looking forward to those godawful stairs, if I know he’s somewhere at the top of them. So it’s hard to doubt I’d look forward to climbing them if it got me the praise it did earlier. I’d climb a million steps to get to experience that again.
WillDive4Plants:
I've 100% always felt that way, submissive with an actual desire to please. And everything you said (what a sub gets from kindness and affirmation that they are appreciated, valued, and that what they do for someone truly matters and makes their day) is exactly what I’ve always desired.
Every single one of my heroines is me in a lot of ways. Their backstories change, but the baseline of their personalities, it’s all me. And all my heroes are my dream Dom. I just didn't think one existed in reality, since I’ve only ever had one Dominant in my life, and we weren’t a good match.
And then the beginning of his last sentence finally registers in my head.
WillDive4Plants:
Allow you to? Is that a request? Like, you'd want to do that?
Just the possibility fills me with yearning. Above all, this is what I’ve craved from a Dom of my own. Being a people pleaser, I feel if someone ordered me to do things for myself, I would be more likely to actually do them. I put others before me always. I will choose to use my time and energy on bettering someone else’s life than on my own every single time. So if I had a Dom who ordered me to take care of myself, then I wouldn’t be doing it for me. I’d be doing it to obey him, which is way more acceptable.
I’m fucked in the head. I know. And I waste no time letting him in on that.
WillDive4Plants:
My best friend is also a writer, and her Dom gives her assignments to help her complete her work. Before that though, he started out by giving her orders to take care of herself, things that are simple for most people, like showering, brushing teeth, regular hygiene stuff. But then it progressed to things like primping and pampering, things she never would’ve wasted time doing on her own for herself. But because it was to impress and look good for HIM, she jumped at the chance. I’ve always craved that.
I’m shocked how easy it is to tell him things I’ve never told anyone before. Not even Dr. Walker. Sure, we got to the root of why I’m a submissive, but because Art and I were already an established D/s couple who was also married, we didn’t go quite as far into depth as I believe other members might when going through the process to join. And later on, when we went into counseling with him to figure out if we could still work, whether as Dom and sub and/or husband and wife, we focused more on Art and his sadism, his need to inflict pain and humiliate, and why it had grown over the past couple of years.
Yet all this time I thought I stayed exactly the same in my submissive needs while Art’s sadistic nature grew, I’m starting to think we might’ve been going more in conflicting directions than I originally believed. My desire to be coddled and loved on, to be sweet to, praised, and cherished were getting stronger and stronger, while his desire to do the complete opposite became clearer and clearer.
One thing was certain through it all though. Art might be a sadist, but he’s a good man. That’s one thing I try my best to educate readers on with my novels. Just because someone needs to physically or mentally hurt someone, it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person. Especially when there is the perfect Yin to their Yang, someone who needs them to physically or mentally hurt them for whatever reason they may have. As long as they follow the three fundamentals of our lifestyle, to be safe, sane, and consensual during all their scenes, then there are perfectly healthy matches for sadists and masochists.
My phone dings through my headphones, making me jump I’d been daydreaming so deeply.
RomanticSadistLL:
I would love to give you assignments and commands, tasks to complete. But you would require the promise and threat of consequence, both good and bad. I fear you will not allow me these privileges.
You would have to feel my praises more intently and deeply. Then I would have to be allowed to correct you for a request not completed.
Jesus.
Mary.
Joseph.
And all the saints.
I gulp and catch myself trembling as I read his messages over and over. So much to unpack there. Not only is he explaining how that dynamic would work, but he said he would love to do that for me. And of course he would need to be able to either reprimand or reward, or what would be the point?