Holy mother of God.
Images bombarded her mind. Those wires in Julian’s neck straining, hands roaming desperately in the darkness, her knees in his big hands.
If she didn’t know any better, she would have thought that one sip of terrible wine had gone to her head, the giddy lift of lust was so magnificent. Letting herself get carried off on Julian’s current could be a really bad idea. Not only did she have a secret—that she was his secret admirer—but there was no evidence that a relationship would work. In fact, it was a total long shot. People couldn’t change so drastically, could they?
But weren’t moments like this why she’d finagled her way into fixing the guesthouse garden in the first place? She’d wanted her dose of magic with Julian Vos. Now that she knew him, now that she’d fallen for the real man, being happy with a single moment was impossible. She didn’t have to think about that tonight, though. She could just let herself be taken for the ride. The one she’d dreamed about since high school. The one that was so much more powerful now that she’d gotten to know him, this man who bought awnings for failing wineshops. Or jumped in to host children’s story time and saved her from being arrested.
Lost in her thoughts, she swayed forward involuntarily, and her breasts grazed his upper abdomen, the suggestive rasp of their clothing making her want to moan. Rub against him like a cat. Especially when his eyes went smoky, lids heavy.
“Hallie,” he half growled. “Take the walk with me.”
With the word “yes” on the tip of her tongue, her conscience made a last-minute attempt to throw up a barrier, talk her out of taking something she needed and wanted. Tell him the truth first, or you’ll regret it. But apparently she’d need more time to become a reasonable, non-reckless person. Because all she said was “Yes.”
Chapter Eighteen
If he didn’t kiss her soon, the world was going to end. Julian was convinced of this beyond any shadow of a doubt. He was so starved for the taste he’d been denying himself that he hustled her out of the barn like they were escaping its imminent collapse. Nothing was collapsing, however, except his self-control where Hallie was concerned. How the fuck had he kept his distance from this woman? When he walked out of the barn and saw her teetering up the path, so familiar and so unforgivably unknown at the same time, he’d wanted to crawl to her on his hands and knees.
This was not the way he’d planned for the evening to go.
He was supposed to apologize. They were supposed to sit down and talk, sort through the obstacles between them and devise a mutual plan for moving forward together. As two adults with a common goal: a healthy, communicative relationship. Maybe if she hadn’t worn that tight black dress, his chances for success would have been more realistic. Maybe if she didn’t make him feel animalistic, he wouldn’t be dragging her out into the darkness right now, his cock halfway to erect, a bead of sweat trickling down his spine.
And maybe if he didn’t feel himself falling irreversibly in love with her, he might have already dragged her into the shadows by now and satisfied his craving for her perfect mouth. But he felt what was happening. Acutely. Thus, he couldn’t ignore the sore weight of his heart where it sat in his chest, wondering why it hadn’t been used until now. Couldn’t ignore the way his throat seemed to be jammed through with pins every time she blinked at him.
Jesus Christ. Love was pain, apparently.
Love was being stripped down to the bones. Being more than willing to beg for more.
And because he wanted more than just one night, because he wanted to try his fucking hardest for more than a sweaty encounter with this woman, he slowed his step and breathed deeply in through his nose, out through his mouth.
“Everything you’re thinking is right there on your face,” she said to his left, echoing the words he’d said to her earlier. Because she was absolutely incredible. And he’d been denying himself due to his fear of the unknown. He was in the exact right place when they were together, and he couldn’t fight that feeling anymore. More important, he needed to make sure she felt right being with him, too. As if they were standing in the exact same spot in this big fucking universe, not a single inch apart, physically or emotionally.
Was that utterly terrifying? Yeah. It was. As he’d known from the beginning, this woman threw him off-center, dashed his plans, and flaunted time like it was a suggestion. She could very well drive him completely insane. But while holding her hand and leading her into the vineyard, between the rows of fragrant nighttime vines, no other choices existed. Tomorrow no other choices would exist. Or the day or the year after that. There was only being with Hallie. He’d have to let something other than himself determine the course of his time going forward.