“I’m…fine,” she says through clenched teeth, and I can’t tell if she’s cold, scared, angry, or all three. “This is all your fault, you know.”
I rear back like she’s slapped me, despite the guilt I’m feeling. “My fault? How do you figure that?”
She glares at me sharply. “If you hadn’t been flirting with Sarah and ignoring me, I wouldn’t have tried to go back alone.”
I want to tell her how cute she is when she’s mad, but that would probably make her angrier. So, I sit down beside her and pull her into my arms to share my body heat with her. I know that she wants to push me away, but she doesn’t, so I take that as a good sign.
“Are you cold?” I ask.
She nods, “A little bit, but I’m feeling better now that we’re out of the wind.” She hesitates, then continues, “I was so scared. I hit a log and lost my compass. I wasn’t sure which way to go.”
“You got off track at some point. You were going southwest. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ignore you,” I say as she turns my way, but doesn’t look at me. “I just…I just didn’t want to embarrass you in front of your co-workers.”
“Why would you embarrass me? You were flirting with Sarah!”
“I wasn’t. I was just being friendly.” I give her a smile and pull her hood back to push her messy hair out of her face. “I’m sorry, Jess. I really enjoyed last night, but I was afraid you would regret it, so I didn’t want to be affectionate to you in front of your co-workers. It’s not like you could proudly say, ‘Hey, guys, I almost hooked up with this barbaric man!’”
That makes Jess giggle. “Are you serious? You’re attractive. Sarah was all over you this morning. And I…well…I was actually worried I wasn’t your type.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart,” I apologize again. “I wanted to talk but couldn’t find a moment alone with you. It was just a huge misunderstanding.”
“You came after me,” she says quietly.
“Of course, I did. I’ll always come after you.”
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“Now, let’s set up camp, shall we? Were you paying attention earlier?” I tease, then laugh when she blushes guiltily and get up to gather some dry sticks to make a fire. Jess sits and watches me, in awe at something I do nearly every day. It still surprises me that there are people out there who’ve never had to learn how to make a fire or survive Mother Nature.Sometimes I crave that kind of life, but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have it. It’s not that I think I can’t move away from here. It’s just…I know I’d miss it here and want to come back. When I was little, I watched the film Tarzan for the first time, and I couldn’t understand why he had the chance to leave the jungle but ended up returning to his old life anyway. Now, I do. This is my home.
I set up the fire near the entrance to the cave so the smoke can escape. We sit by the fire, warming our hands and watching the snow fall. Jess asks me how long until we can leave, and I tell her I honestly don’t know.
“It’s okay,” she says, the fire dancing in her eyes. “I enjoy spending time alone with you anyway.”
I know I shouldn’t let those words get to me, but they’re making me feel things I haven’t felt in forever. This warm feeling of being wanted. I felt it last night, too.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Jess blinks at me. “What for?”
“For comforting me after my nightmare.”
“Oh, that was no big deal. But may I ask what you dreamed about? It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.”
I ponder for a moment, gazing at the mesmerizing flames. “I got lost one summer when I was a kid camping with my dad. I wandered away from camp while he was distracted. I hadn’t made it very far when I came across a grizzly bear, or it came across me, I guess. I was terrified and screamed, which was the wrong thing to do. It stood up and started coming toward me, acting like it was going to charge. I didn’t know what to do, but my dad found me and fired off a couple shots at the bear, scared it off. I still dream about it sometimes, I guess. I’m sorry you had to deal with that.”
“No, not at all,” Jess says. “I’m surprised you want to do what you do after an experience like that.”
“After that, I learned everything I could about survival skills. I never wanted to be in a situation like that again and not know what to do,” I say. “In the process, I fell in love with the wilderness. I’d rather be out here than at the cabin.”
“Do your parents still live around here?” she asks.
“My dad lives in town still. My mom took off when I was little; she wanted to live somewhere sunny and warm, or so my dad said. What about your parents? Do they live in L.A. too?”
Jess just gives a shrug. “I never knew them. I was an orphan. I guess that’s why I enjoy my safe and boring life, because I earned it, and I’m scared of risking it all and having nothing again.”
We go quiet and just stare at each other, as if seeing each other for the first time. Jess’s face moves closer to mine, and her eyes close slowly. The next thing I know, we’re kissing again. I place a hand on her waist, and my fingers run through her long black hair as our kissing becomes more passionate. Jess breaks away awkwardly when she feels my hands on her ass.
“We’re in a cave, Nick,” she reminds me, making me laugh.