I jump off my stool. “What the hell did you do, Cash?” My hands shake as I realize that any death in the name of protecting me is blood on my hands. My foolish mirage of a lazy morning shatters.Thisis my reality.
“What did I do?”Cash steps up to my chest, so close I have to crane my head back to meet him eye to eye. “I did what I had to do to keepyousafe—when are you going to understand that, Harlow?” My stomach drops at the rare use of my name, suddenly realizing how much comfort I’ve taken in a word I don’t even understand: uh-khush-leh.
“You’re mine to hurt, to break.” I can feel his chest reverberating from the force with which he speaks, in heavy, husky, defined syllables. “But you’re also mine to protect, to treasure. And I willalwaysdo whatever it takes to make that happen.”
I swallow shakily, feeling like my soul has just been bought with whatever chaos he reigned in my name. “That was Beth’s family.”
“And they’re all fuckingfine.”His hands tremble at his sides in tight fists. “Christ, you think I don’t know what it would do to you if I wiped out your only living connections to her? You really think I’d do that to you, even if they deserved that and worse for putting you in danger? I may be a monster, but I’myourmonster.” He scowls, but there’s hurt in his eyes, like I rejected a gift. “And a fucking thank you wouldn’t hurt either.”
I hate the weakness in me that wants to crumble like paper and apologize for the burden I am. But I’ve also learned that Cash wants a weak woman just about as much as I want to be one. So I fight the urge to ask him to forgive me and tend to his bruised ego. Too many women have been taught to shrink themselves for the sake of the male ego. I refuse to fall in line.
“I can’t say thank you if I don’t know what I’m thanking you for.”
He sucks his bottom lip between his teeth. “I intercepted their incoming shipments of cocaine. Then I blew them up one by one until he agreed to check my alibi. I asked Stella what videos you watched that convinced you I was telling the truth and showed them to Koslov. He found them quite convincing as well.”
I fall back onto my seat. “And that’s it, the threat is just gone? You said the entire city would be after me.”
“They didn’t tell anyone what they saw. They didn’t want anyone else getting to you first.”
“How do you know they’re telling the truth?”
“Because after Koslov told me, I shoved a gun down his second’s pants and asked him if what he said was the truth or his sad, little dick would be paying the price.”
I gape. “Would you really have shot his dick off?”
“A chuisle, I would shoot my own dick off if it meant you were safe,” he says with a lopsided smile.Gruesome, but…kinda sweet?
The sweetness sours when another thought occurs to me. “If it weren’t for me, you would have killed him wouldn’t you.”
“Without a second thought.” His words slide down my back like melting ice. “No one fucks with my family and survives. No one. Until now.”
His previous words echo in my mind. “But if I’m yours to hurt—”
“Not like that,a chuisle.Never like that.” He cups the side of my face, his thumb stroking my cheek. His jade-green eyes deepen as he drinks me in. “I’ll hurt your body because I know you love the pain. I’ll break your resolve because I love to hear you beg. But I don’t want to hurt your soul or break your heart.”
“Cash—”
The front door is pushed open, and a late-middle-aged white woman comes bustling inside, followed by Alfie, whose arms are full of brown grocery bags.
Cash spares them a quick glance, but then his eyes are back on mine. “You understand me?” I nod, even though I’m not sure I do. He presses a tender kiss to my forehead, then pulls away to greet the newcomers.
He leans down to kiss the older woman on both cheeks. She has a short bob that’s dyed brown, though gray hairs peeking out at her roots. She smiles from ear to ear, clasping Cash around his upper arm.
“I didn’t expect you to be home, I’m so glad I get to see my favorite little Fox.” She gives his arms a squeeze before letting go and turning to me. She eyes me up and down like I have two heads. “And who do we have here?”
I rise to shake her hand. “Hi, I’m Harlow.”
“Donna. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She has a bubbly, southern accent.
“You as well, I’m so sorry I’m not more presentable. Cash didn’t tell me his mother was coming over.” I tug at my pajama shirt and tuck fallen strands of hair behind my ear. Cash’s head whips around from where he is helping Alfie unpack groceries, his face hard as stone, and I suddenly feel like I’ve eaten my whole damn foot.
She laughs uncomfortably. “I’m just the housekeeper, not his momma.”
“Come with me,” Cash barks, grabbing my hand to drag me down the hallway to his bedroom.
He slams the door behind him. His chin is tucked into his chest and his shoulders are rigid. As he slowly raises his head, there’s a tumultuousness brewing in his eyes. I brace myself for whatever’s to come next. If he wants to fly off the handle over an innocent mistake that he damn well could have prevented by introducing me himself, then it’s a good thing he’s settled this feud with the Russians so I can get the hell out of here.
I’m nearly knocked off my feet by what he does next.