“Baby.” He pulls back from the kiss. “It’s only you who I think about every second of every day. It’s you, Erica. I don’t want anyone else, and I’m sorry about last night, and I’m sorry for Shannon, for all of it.” I just hug him, because I believe him and love him.
“I was fucking stupid, going there to get drunk. Ever since I met you I haven’t been to any of those nights, and I swear I wasn’t going to lay a hand on another woman. You have my word on that.” I see the truth in his eyes. “You are my world, baby.”
“I’m sorry I ran off like that, I just…ugh, seeing you there was like a slap in the face,” I tell him, and he just looks me in the eyeslike I am the most precious thing in the world. He touches my necklace and whispers, “You are my one.”
“Jared, I can’t live afraid that you might leave me one day. My heart can’t handle any more pain,” I admit.
“I promise you will never have to worry about that with me.” I want to believe him so badly. I tell myself to forgive him and give him another chance.
We get undressed and go under the covers. Our bodies are skin to skin as I lay my head on his heart. I kiss his chest then work my way up to his neck. He shivers in response and I smile.
His arms tighten around me.
“Babe, I’m so sorry I was a dick. You’re it for me. There’s no one in this world that has or can measure up to you.”
“I’m so torn every day. I’m trying to get through school, and I’m scared Antonio will find me, and then worrying about you. Jared, I just need to know if you’re in this with me or not, because if you’re not I have to leave.”
“I’m in it, babe, I swear. Just don’t shut me out, and if you feel upset or insecure just talk to me.”
“Insecure?” I raise my brow and he smiles. “Yeah, babe, you have no room to feel self-conscious. Just look at yourself. You’re every man’s wet dream, baby.” Jared kisses the top of my head and sighs.
An hour later I lay awake. Jared is asleep beside me and I think about my mom. I can’t help the tears that form.
I let them fall. I let all the loss and anguish flow through my soul. Jared is the love of my life, and he consumes me in a way I can’t even explain. He could be the one to completely fill me orutterly break me apart. The only thing left to do is hope that we can take Antonio Vasquez down somehow.
My mother will get justice. She left so abruptly. Her life was cut short, and I think that maybe if I was home she would have made it. I could have been there to save her. Maybe I should have just stayed with Luca and my mom would be alive.
My eyelids feel heavy and I can’t help the overwhelming feeling of fatigue. My eyes drift closed while strong, secure arms stay wrapped around my middle.
I can smell the blood. I can taste what tastes like lingering metal on my tongue. Exasperated, I choke out a sob then the sob soon turns into a scream. My mother’s body is lying next to me. I am surrounded by a pool of red. It’s warm. I can’t lift my body. I can’t move; I’m too frightened to see what lies beside me. It’s just her I see, but I feel a presence hovering over my body. If I look he could see, if I move he will know I’m awake. I need to pretend I’m dead, that’s it. If I dissemble myself, maybe I can get him to leave. Why is she not moving? Why am I not moving?
When I blink her body disappears into thin air. She’s gone, and now I am staring at myself lying in a sea of red. My pale skin is almost translucent and my eyes are shut. Bloody tears stream down my fragile face and this is it. This is the end of my being.
I shoot up out of my bed with sweat dripping down my forehead. Nightmare. It was just a nightmare.
There’s a note on my nightstand. Jared says he loves me and he didn’t want to wake me and that he had some things to do this morning.
That dream that was the ‘what-if’. I was thinking last night about how if I was with my mom maybe I could have saved her. That dream was my subconscious saying otherwise. I could have been dead right along with her.
That could have been me lying in my own blood. With shaky hands I prepare for my morning class. After I’m showered and dressed I call Shannon.
She answers on the second ring.
“Hey,” she all but whispers through the phone.
“Hey, are you with Sean?”
“Yes, he’s still asleep.” Her voice cracks and I can tell she’s been up all night, upset. Who wouldn’t be? She just experienced one of the most traumatic things that can happen to a person. She was almost fully taken advantage of and used in the worst possible way.
“What can I do, Shannon? Please tell me, because I feel somewhat responsible and I’m dying over here,” I admit.
“Erica, what happened to me was not your fault. I was being stupid and led him on. He should have stopped, but ultimately it was my choice to follow him up there.”
“That still doesn’t make it right,” I say.
“No, it doesn’t, but there’s nothing to be done about it now. Grady seemed pretty upset,” Shannon whispers.
“Yes, he most certainly was. I think he’s quite taken with you, girl.”