"I never pitied you, Ava.” He looked straight at me, as if he was trying to carve the truth of his words straight into my heart. "You're the bravest woman I've met, a real fighter. I feel nothing less than admiration and care for you."
I wanted to trust him again but getting involved with Hugo had taught me a hard lesson. Every time he’d refused to open up, every time he pushed me away when I was getting too close, every time he'd lashed out when he believed, whether rightly or wrongly, that people had betrayed him, and every time he walked away when things were not going his way—all of these were lessons.
I had seen the warnings but I ignored them; now was the time to heed all that.
Trust was a very difficult thing. It was about finding the right people, knowing that they might still end up doing the wrong thing. I had once been confident about my feelings. When he had come to me that night after his failed date, I’d truly thought we were turning over a new leaf. I opened my heart to him, overriding my instincts and against his own warnings, and here I was now: hurt beyond words. There was no one to blame but me.
“Give me a chance to fix this, Ava. Let me fix us, the feelings we were both experiencing, and that I hope deep down you still have. Just one more chance. I won’t fail you this time. I swear on my life.”
For once, Hugo had dropped his normal mask of cool indifference. His eyes had lost their typical hard glint and what I saw instead was the bare plea for me to take another leap of faith.
I found my hands clenching involuntarily at the thought, a dread as cold as ice settling in my stomach at the mere thought of being vulnerable with him.
No. Not when I had a child to protect, not when my heart had suffered enough damage for a lifetime. I could no longer afford to gamble with my emotions.
I shook my head. "I'm not sure I can."
Hugo looked down, sighing with resignation.
"But I do trust you for some things," I countered quickly, irrationally wanting to make him feel better, even if he didn’t deserve it.
He looked up with hope in his eyes. "And what is that?"
"I'm certain you'll try your best to be a good father and I trust you with being part of this child's life," I offered, resting my hand on my stomach. "This baby is the most important person in my life and I trust you with him. A lot of people are good parents, even if they are not together as a couple. The most important thing is for both parents to have the best interest of the child in mind and I’m ready to give civility a chance for our child's sake. But other than that, I don't think I can bring myself to trust you with anything else, and I don't think Iwantto."
He stood up and once again, I noticed he had barely eaten.
"Tell me, Ava. Did I truly hurt you that much?" He spoke so softly and yet I felt his question echoing in the room, reverberating in my brain.
I looked at him silently.Oh yes, you did,I thought, remembering all the horrible things he had said to me the morning of the incident.
It was partially my fault, though. He’d shown me his true nature from the start and yet I grew attached to a man that was emotionally handicapped.
"No, but stop trying so hard. I’ve made a decision and I’ve made my peace with it. I hope you make the same choice."
Hugo sighed. "I'm sorry."
“Dr. Klessner is coming tomorrow at 2 pm for a check-up and an ultrasound. Would you like to be there?”
He nodded, but his eyes were dimmed; he had lost any enthusiasm. “Of course, if you’re happy with me being there. I don't want to cause you more stress.”
“It’s fine, you should be there.”
“Fine, yes.” He gave me a tired smile and left the room, and I furtively wiped away a tear from my eye.
I was attached, of course I was, but what I needed now was to stop thinking about what could have been and concentrate on what would be.
“I can’t wait any longer, Ms. Byrnes,” Dr. Klessner said with a huff, looking at his watch.
I looked at my phone again and then at Ethan, who was glowering at the window as if he was personally offended.
It was past 3 and Hugo was a no-show. I was not sure why I was so disappointed and yet I was. If he couldn’t show up for an ultrasound, it didn’t bid well for his future as a father.
I sighed. “It’s fine, I understand. Let's get on with it.”
Whilst the news was good and I was authorized to get out of bed and walk up to thirty minutes every day, I was still a little sad about Hugo's absence.
“This is amazing!” Ethan cheered me up once the doctor was gone.