I let out a sigh of contentment and closed my eyes, letting myself relax, and just as I was about to sink into sleep, she spoke softly.
“I love you.”
I opened my eyes but her breathing was deep and regular. Did she say that? Did I imagine it?
More importantly, did I want her to have said it?
I kissed the top of her head again.
Say it again and mean it, Ava, love, because I wouldn’t know how I’d recover if you lied about it. I would never be able to forgive this betrayal, I thought as I closed my eyes again and let the exhaustion and deep satisfaction take me under.
I woke up at first light with Ava wrapped around me. I moved my head slowly and looked down at her.
I’d never been the type to linger in bed, to be fair. I never even remembered waking up beside a woman and I never had the desire to until that night with Ava. I’d woken up to an empty bed, my sexy stranger gone, and I had felt a strange loss that day. I’d pinned it on the passionate sex we’d had, thinking it was just the desire for an encore that made me feel that way. Now, I’d started to realize that it was not the case—it was all Ava.
I’d been observing her, waiting for her to slip up and let the mask down, revealing she was just like everyone else—fake, calculating and with ulterior motives. I’d been waiting and somehow growing restless with anticipation at exposing her for the fake she was.
No one could be that nice. She seemed to be selfless to a fault, so loving and accepting of my brother and her life, so genuine in all matters, even the ones of the heart.
I was relieved to know now that she was not fake, that she was just as amazing as I’d thought she was.
I let my eyes trail down to her slightly opened red lips and had to control my urge to kiss her awake.
This was very new, too. Before Ava, sex had been about nothing more than satisfying a physiological need and was often handled through highly paid professionals. Until I saw her in that club and my whole body reacted—I didn’t just need it, Iwantedit, and it had been both different and unsettling. Sex had always been a means to an end and void of feeling. But she’d changed that.
Before I could stop myself, I trailed my fingertips slowly down her neck and arm, pulling down the covers and revealing her naked form flushed against me. One of her shapely legs was on top of mine, resting close to my growing erection.
My eyes stopped on the little bulge of her stomach that rested against my side. It was still very small and I wasn’t sure anyone could see it, but I did, and I knew that it was my child growing there. That thought brought a new wave of strange, unfamiliar feelings.
If I was being honest with myself, my mind hadn't been the same since she’d looked at me all those months ago, and the more I saw her, the more clouded my mind became.
I was like a moth flying too close to the flame, aware that I shouldn't have stood so close to the heat and yet I’d still come yesterday. I’d been hoping that having her again would satisfy my ache so I could finally let her go. I should have known better. The moment she kissed me, I knew I would get burned, but I welcomed it.
I shook my head.
Feelings.I kept my eyes on her stomach, thinking about the foolish mistake I'd made and that she was now pregnant with my child.
My child.
I used to hate how the thought made me feel–I hated that I cared, hated that I couldn’t just walk away. Part of me hated Ava a little for making me feel that way. I was not so sure I hated any of it anymore.
The thought of Ava and her pregnancy had been consuming me ever since I found out. I couldn’t deny that I cared anymore and—dare I say it—felt an attachment to Ava and the life growing in her.
I knew I would never accept her moving on, Hardings having been the cold wake-up call on the matter, but I wasn't entirely sure if I wanted all that she and our child represented either.
Rubbing at my face wearily, I sighed, staring at the ceiling. Claiming her and the child could potentially be a disaster of epic proportions. It was all a terrible mess; her entanglements with my brother, the perception that people would have about this partner switch, something society would be talking about for weeks, something I knew for a fact would be hard for her to bear.
And then there was sharing a life with me, something I was not sure I wished upon any woman with an actual heart. I could offer a name, prestige, financial security—anything that Hardings had the potential to offer her as well, but I wasn’t sure if I had anything else to offer.
I was a master at one thing—power play; not at being a lover and certainly not at being a father. She’d want more, and this was where I would be lacking—she would end up hating me and resenting me for just being me.
I looked at her face again and the dark shadows under her eyes. A fresh coat of guilt joined the one already there, suspecting I was the reason for her lack of sleep. She muttered that she loved me last night and part of me wanted to believe that so much because should we decide to give it a try, she’d need this love to keep her head high, despite the scandal and cruel learning curve it would be to become a part of my world.
I also needed to believe this love so I could put myself through all the hardship and endless inconvenience choosing her would entail; and how could I believe she loved me when I was not sure that was possible?
I’d once thought love existed when my father swore his undying love to my mother, and yet my father brought his pregnant girlfriend home and married her shortly after she’d died.
I pursed my lips and slid as carefully as possible out of Ava’s bed, making sure she was covered up before picking up my clothes and shoes and dressing up in her living room. It was still early enough for me to go home to shower and change before getting to the office for the first meeting with the European investors on the hotel project.