We couldn’t continue like this. Whatever the alternative, it needed to be discussed because I was not sure that any scenario where she vanished from my life was still something I could contemplate.
I made it to her apartment in record time and stood in front of her door for a couple of minutes, taking some deep breaths and trying to regain a little bit of my composure. I was pragmatic and rational.
I knocked on the door and after a couple of seconds she opened it, dressed in another oversized sweatshirt and yoga pants, her hair in a messy bun. I hated that her relaxed look affected me a thousand times more than Cecilia ever could.
“You should not open your door without checking first,” I chastised her. “Especially since the door downstairs is not secured.”
She pursed her lips, her cheeks reddening with irritation, making her eyes even greener. She looked so lovely when she was angry. “What can I help you with? Where is Cecilia?”
I cocked my head to the side—was this jealousy? “Are you angry because of Cecilia?”
She sighed. "The fact that you’re dating your own people is truly not a problem.”
I hope you’re lying, because you dating someone else would be a problem,I thought, tightening my hand into a fist.
“I know what you are… Well, no, I don't, and to be fair, I don't even want to know. Just—I know I don’t matter in your life and it's fine. I know you despise me. I just thought I deserved a little more consideration. I know I work for you, but next time, please consider showing me some decency."
"I don’t despise you," I let out on a snort.Quite the contrary, actually, to my absolute horror.
"Then please take a minute to think before ordering me around.”
I sighed again, remembering why relationships were not my thing. Women were just raw exposed nerves getting irritated about anything. Every part of my logical mind told me to bid her goodnight. I should just leave and let her calm herself down, yet I heard myself say, "May I at least come in and explain myself?"
She looked at me for a second and I expected her to slam the door in my face, but she let out a wary sigh and moved to the side.
"You have nothing to explain," she said after I walked in.
I looked at the table, her open laptop and the container of Chinese food. It could not be healthy for her and the baby, but I knew better than to say anything.
“I’m working on your girlfriend’s charity project.”
I winced. I knew she would be upset about it. I turned to look at her.
“I mean, I would think people would like access to heating or food, but you know, I guess a secondhand pair of Louis Vuitton trousers is just as good.” She shrugged and went back to her seat. “I guess they can always sell them on eBay.”
I shook my head. “That’s a stupid project and you don’t need to spend one minute more on that. And Ceciliais notmy girlfriend.”
She remained on her seat but looked up at me. “Why are you here? Why did you do that?”
I broke eye contact; the inquisitiveness of her look was too unsettling. I rested my eyes on the used leather sofa and the dress bag that was resting on the back of it.
“Don’t do it, don’t go out with him again. Please.” I hated how easily I gave in, how easily I broke.
“Okay,” she said softly.
I turned to her, just as surprised by her instant submission.
“I didn’t intend to see him again anyway.”
“Why?”
She stood up, taking a couple of uncertain steps toward me. “For the same reason you’re here and not at your penthouse.”
“You’re not what I expected; I know people, Iusepeople. I built up my company because people are like puzzles and once you have the cipher, they're easy to solve.” I raised my hand to touch her cheek, but let it fall at my side again. “You never do what I expect, you never say what you should. I can’t figure you out.”
“You can,” she replied, taking another step closer. “I am not a mystery. I’ve actually always told you what I was, you just never believed it.”
I couldn’t because it shook the foundations of all I was led to believe. Everything I built my life and relationships on.