I felt a little twinge of pain in my belly and winced. It was like the baby was reminding me of their existence and that my indignation was justified.
“You have everything you need?” he asked me with his usual mocking smile.
I nodded. “I do. I have everything I need now. I understand it all,” I added, not sure why, and I hated how defeated I sounded. I held my head high, though, hoping he hadn't seen it. He wouldn’t break me like this.
The frown that appeared on his face showed he had seen it; he never missed anything.
“Ava, wh—”
“I’m ready!” Cecilia chimed from behind me, and despite the unjustified aggravation I felt toward the woman, I was grateful for the interruption.
“I wish you both a great evening,” I added, pressing the button of the elevator.
The thing was, I truly meant it. They made sense. I'd let his little glimpse of possessiveness and Ethan’s words lead me down a path that would only be a source of disappointment and pain.
I was done hoping for something that was never meant to be.
I pressed the down button, keeping my back to the happy couple, not in the mood to have these images in my head for the rest of my life.
Hugo St-John was never supposed to be mine and I was never supposed to be his.
I’d just needed a final reminder.
Chapter 18
Hugo
Ifeltlikeapetulant child as I stepped out of my shower to get ready for my date with Cecilia. I wasn’t sure why I’d let myself get carried away the way I had and now that I had a chance to cool down, I felt much more conflicted about the whole evening.
I was never the type of man to play games, at least not when it came to feelings. I’d always prided myself on being fair and honest with women, letting them know what I wanted and what they would get and notget before they slept with me. The fact that they thought they could change my mind was completely on them, not me.I was playing a game tonight, though. Although Cecilia would be perfect for me, I no longer cared for this type of perfection. I wasn’t even remotely excited about her coming to my place. As I buttoned my shirt, a shirt I had picked because I knew Ava liked me in it, I knew that my excitement was solely about Ava’s reaction to my so-called date.
I sighed and shook my head before grabbing my glasses from the chest of drawers and put them on, looking at myself in the mirror.
“You’re an idiot, Hugo St-John,” I muttered to myself, once again ashamed of my theatrics, and also at what I felt when I heard the familiar beep announcing the arrival of the elevator.
I waited a couple of minutes before exiting my bedroom, giving myself the much needed time to smother whatever guilt, shame, or… elation I was feeling.
When I joined her, she was studying the table thoughtfully, dressed in baggy clothes that hid her body. I knew she was doing it to annoy me, and what really annoyed me was how enticing she looked even when she was trying so hard not to.
She’d turned around, assuming the date was for us, and despite the clear appreciation I saw in her eyes as she looked at me, she turned me down. Again.
This caused a wave of indignation that once again pushed me at being meaner than I had wanted to be. It was like she had the ability to get the worst part of me out every time.
However, I couldn’t help but wonder how I would have reacted if she’d said yes. I would have liked to think I would have dismissed her just the same, but I knew the truth—I would have sat down with her and ensured Cecilia never made it up. Because no matter how hard I had been fighting, Ava Byrnes had a special power over me.
I’d gone to see the chef, trying not to just stay there, lingering, waiting for her to show me the slight sense of feeling of what I felt when I’d seen her with Harding but there was none of it and her departure left a bad taste in my mouth. I had not seen the jealousy or the anger in her eyes when she exited the library as I expected and hoped. No, there was a resignation there and a sort of finality in the words she uttered just before getting into the elevator that caused my stomach to drop.
I willed her to turn around, to look at me, to see if I could stop her from leaving, but she kept her back to me. The elevator door closed and losing sight of her caused an affliction that was both unfamiliar and unexpected.
“She’s nice.”
I turned toward Cecilia, irritated by her presence here. I realized it was unfair, knowing that I was the one who had made her come here, but I wanted her gone. I needed to think. I needed to let go of my mask and process what had happened.
“What?” I asked, a little harder than I intended.
“Your assistant, she’s nice.”
I nodded before jerking my head toward the table.