“It’s nothing,” he murmurs.
“Sure.”
“Ollie isn’t the only way, Beau.”
Maybe not, but he’s the easiest way, and God save my soul, I know he will share a lot more about Dad’s death than anyone else. He’s not the only one who can manipulate. But is it worth the friction between James and me? “Would you ever try to change Rose?” I ask, feeling Danny still, as if breathing is suddenly an effort and he needs to concentrate.
“I feel like this is a loaded question.”
I exhale into his chest. He knows where I’m going—I don’t need to say it. My suggestion for their delivery problem is the perfect solution. Everyone knows it. But because I am who I am and belong to who I belong to, everyone keeps forgetting the not-so-small detail that I used to be a cop. And while I was making myself pretty for James last night, my father was dying. I snivel and break away, wiping at my face. “I should have met him at the hotel,” I say quietly. God damn me, why didn’t I meet him?
“What?”
I look up and find Danny frowning. “Dad called me last night. He was at a hotel Downtown. Business. He wanted me to meet him there and have dinner. I made my excuses.”
He looks past me as he pulls on his cigarette, the air around him a light smog. “Don’t blame yourself.”
I shake my head, sighing. “Where’s he gone?”
“Gym.”
To stand on his head. My guilt becomes unbearable seeing James in my mind’s eye vertical, his eyes closed, his body solid and straight. Trying to find his calm.
My cell rings, and I inhale as I drop my eyes to the screen. I shouldn’t take it. Danny’s right, Ollie isn’t the only way. But the pull, the promise of distraction, the long-lost instinct being tempted out of hiding? I need to resist it. I look up at Danny, finding him observing me closely. I reject the call, looking past him when Rose appears.
“You look better,” I say, assessing my friend more closely.
“Youdon’t,” she counters, wandering over. Danny tucks her into his side the moment she’s close enough. “Have you spoken to him?”
“No.”
“So is anyone going to tell me why you were in on a meeting?” She looks up at Danny with narrowed eyes, while he rolls his.
“It doesn’t matter.” I turn my cell in my hand. “It was apparently a waste of everyone’s time and won’t be happening again.”
“We’re going out,” Danny says to Rose, taking one last puff of his smoke and dropping it into an ashtray.
“We are? Where?” she asks, as he drops a kiss on her forehead and wanders back into their room.
“To visit Pops,” he calls back. “Or the empty fucking hole where he once was. Oh, and Beau?” He comes back to the door. “For the record, I think your way is the only way if we’re going to meet the Mexican’s deadline.”
He leaves and Rose faces me. “What is he talking about?”
I bring my hands to my face and press into my eye sockets, so fucking tired. “I offered to help with the gun delivery.”
“Help how?”
“Tow a line of loaded jet skis through Coast Guard infested waters.”
She laughs and then stops abruptly. “Your ring,” she blurts, seizing my hand and staring down at it.
“I changed my mind.”
“Why?”
“I—” I don’t know how to answer that. Maybe to appease James. Show him I do love him.It can stay there until you see the light.Maybe because it’s simply the right thing to do—be his constant light. Except... I’m not. “How are you feeling?” I ask instead, stumped. “You’ll be lucky if Danny doesn’t glue you to a bed made of cotton wool.”
“I’m fine. Are you going to talk to Ollie?”