I’m suffocating. In this suit, in this room. “Stop fidgeting,” Danny breathes from beside me pulling in his own tux. “You look like you’re having second thoughts.”
“I am,” I admit.
“What the fuck?” Brad moves in, putting his ear closer to me. “Did you say what I think you just said?”
“Yeah, he said it,” Otto confirms, throwing me a filthy look. “What the hell do you mean, you’re having second thoughts?”
“We’re happy as we are.” I feel like such a chump, especially since it was me who pushed for this all along. But back then, I needed reassurance. I don’t need it now. I needed a light to follow. I don’t need to follow the light anymore. It’s just... there.
“Suck it up.” Danny smiles, his blue eyes beaming. “It’s thrilling dicing with death every day.”
“Speaking of dicing with death,” Otto says.
“What?” Danny asks, quickly searching for his mother.
“I’m not happy about your mother doing everything around the house.”
Danny bursts out laughing, offering his hand to Otto. “If you can convince her we should have a housekeeper, I might start accepting this shit between you two.”
Otto snorts. “Like you have a fucking choice.” He ignores Danny’s hand and takes up position beside me.
I face forward, crazy nervous, and come face to face with Lawrence. I shake my head, taking in his holy man garbs. He really has taken this ordaining shit seriously. “Are you ready?” he asks.
“Nope.”
His nose wrinkles. “The big scary assassin scared of a few wedding vows?”
The boys chuckle, and my stressed sweat increases. I’m pathetic. “How did you do this twice?” I ask Danny seriously.
“Lots of Scotch.” He pulls out a hip flask and hands it over to me, before pulling out another for himself and swigging. “Drink up.”
I do, and it’s fucking glorious, the others all pulling flasks as well. I feel a tap on my shoulder and look back.
Pearl is holding up a white rose. “You forgot your buttonhole.” She forces me to turn and starts fiddling with my suit jacket.
“You look lovely,” I say, not just for something to say, but because she really does.
She smiles as she works. “Thanks.”
“Yeah, lovely,” Danny chimes in, nodding at her emerald-green satin gown. “Doesn’t she, Brad?”
All eyes turn onto Brad. He’s scowling. Standard when Pearl is around. “Lovely,” he grunts, turning his back on her. What the fuck went down between these two? They fucking hate each other. But... don’t.
“There.” She pats my pocket and fixes the jeweled hair comb keeping one side of her red hair off her face. “You’re ready.”
“Am I?” I laugh, facing Lawrence again, just as he gasps, loud and dramatic, very Lawrence-esque.
“Oh, here she comes.”
“Fuck,” I breathe, unable to look back.
“Music, please!”
My mouth falls open when London Grammar’sStrongstarts playing, and I’m turning before I know it, searching for her. “Oh, Jesus.” She floats. She fucking floats. That’s how light she is. I swallow the lump in my throat, roughly wipe at my eyes, overcome by... everything. Her, me, this, the feelings overwhelming me.
I don’t take my eyes off her. Can’t.
I also can’t wait for Goldie to get her to me, so I push through the men, going to her, meeting her halfway up the aisle. Her head tilts in question as I bend and pick her up. “What are you doing?” she asks.