As soon as I walk through the door at home, Brynn and Ryleigh shoot confetti out of tiny champagne bottles and start singing Happy Birthday. Seeing Ryleigh sends memories of her brother swarming around in my head, and I immediately feel raunchy and cheap. I cover my face with both hands and begin to weep.
They stop singing and run over to where I stand.
“Maks, what’s wrong?” Ryleigh asks, her voice frantic.
I shake my head. “Nothing. You guys are so sweet. I just need a minute, okay?”
Brynn stares at the over-sized hoodie covering the top half of my body and ripped-open dress peeking out from the bottom. “And what the fuck happened to your dress?”
I can only imagine what I look like.
I feel horrible for ruining their surprise. We had planned on celebrating the future without dwelling on the past, to celebrate without tears. And here I am, bawling like a big tit.
“I can’t do this right now.” I can’t celebrate what I just let happen.
Ryleigh rubs a hand up and down my back. “It’s okay. Take as long as you need.”
I spend twenty minutes in the shower under the healing touch of the hot water while I replay Cal’s words, the way he touched me, and the way I just… let him. Like it was a normal, everyday thing. And the way he spoke to me was as if it were an everyday thing.
But it’s not. Not for me. Not anymore.
Why him? I let myself go. For him. I let myself give into weakness for him. And he treated me like just another girl that sits at the end of the bar.
I hate him for that, for all of it.
The steam fogs up the glass, hiding my reflection from me, and for that I am thankful. I don’t have the stomach to look at myself right now.
Then I finally venture from my hideout and rejoin my friends, who are patiently waiting on the sofa.
“I don’t think I can celebrate tonight,” I say, “maybe we can do something tomorrow?”
Brynn glares at me then hops to her feet. “Look, if you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to talk about it. But you are going to get dressed. And we are going to my house. Because I have spent a shitload of time and money on you, and you can’t just reschedule someone’s birthday.”
Ryleigh glares at her. “Brynn.”
“No, she’s right. I’m being selfish.” I make myself smile. It’s not that hard to do with these two. “Give me twenty minutes.”
Brynn shoots Ryleigh a satisfied glance and resumes her spot on the sofa.
Brynn was right. She went all out for my birthday. There were people at her house I don’t even know. She hired a DJ and had a wine fountain, which I’m fairly certain was her very own invention. She even had a caterer. She definitely made it easy for me to slip into a world more comfortable for a while.
Then I spent the rest of the weekend nursing a hangover because—wine fountain—and wishing I could turn back time.
The following Monday, I might as well have taken the day off at work, because I can’t focus on anything other than the internal dialogue between me and Cal, a dialogue that hasn’t actually happened yet. I argued with him in my head until I could barely hold my eyes open. Why does he touch me the way he does if he can’t stand to be around me? What did he mean about Jaxon, and why would he need to protect me?
I’m not an easy fuck.
I’m not one of his bar-sitting groupies.
I don’t want his empty gifts or fake sympathy.
And I’m definitely not interested in repeating any part of Saturday night’s activities with him.
Game over. Leave me alone.
By 9:00 p.m., I have had just enough wine to release my inhibitions, but not enough to make me lose focus. I’ve decided to put my big girl panties on and tell Cal Suppato exactly what I think. The chance of me even seeing him at the restaurant are slim to none. I worked nights for years and hardly saw him. The last time was a weird fluke and cruel twist of fate. A huge part of me really hopes he isn’t there, but I want to be prepared just in case.
I need to stay the hell away from guys like Cal and focus on guys like Jaxon. The sooner I find someone worth spending time with, the less likely I’ll repeat the other night’s mistakes. I’m going in armed and ready.