He took off his coat and tossed it over a chair before following her. It gave him an overpowering sense of déjà vu to lean against the cabinets and watch her fiddle with pots and measuring cups. Abruptly she stopped and bent her head down to rest it against the refrigerator door.
“It’s killing me without you,” she said in a muffled voice. “I try, but I just don’t care anymore. One day with you is worth more to me than a lifetime without you.”
His fists clenched again. “Do you think it’s easy for me?” His voice rasped the air like a rusty file. “Don’t you remember what happened?”
“I know what can happen!” she screamed, whirling on him. “But I’m an adult, Kell Sabin! The risk is mine to take if I think it’s worth it! I accept that every time I get in my car and drive to town. A lot more people are killed on the highways every year than by terrorists or assassins. Why don’t you forbid me to drive, if you really want to protect me?”
His eyes burned on her, but he didn’t say anything, and his remote silence goaded her. “I can live with the risks you take in your job,” she continued. “I don’t like it, but that’s your decision to make. If you can’t give me the same right, then why are you here?”
Still he stared at her, frowning. The hunger for her was growing in him, like an obsession. He wanted her, more than he wanted his next breath. He could either live with her, or live without her, and the past six months had shown him just how poor the quality of life was without her. The flat, unvarnished truth was that life wasn’t worth living if he couldn’t have her. Once he accepted that, his thoughts moved ahead. He’d have to take steps to make certain she was safe; he’d have to make changes and adjust, something he hadn’t done before. It was odd how simple it looked all of a sudden, just because he admitted to himself that he had to have her. God bless Jane for getting his attention and giving him an excuse for coming down; she had known that once he saw Rachel again he wouldn’t be able to leave.
He faced Rachel across the kitchen. “Can you really take it, the risks I take and the times I’ll be gone when you won’t know where I am or when to expect me?”
“I already have,” she said, lifting her chin. “What I need to know is that you’ll come back to me when you can.”
Still he watched her, his eyes narrow and piercing. “Then we might as well get married, because God knows I’ve been a wreck without you.”
She looked stunned; then she blinked. “Is that a proposal?”
“No. It was basically an order.”
Slowly tears filled her gray eyes, making them glitter like diamonds, and a smile began to brighten her face. “All right,” she said simply.
He did what he’d been hungering to do; he crossed the floor to her and took her in his arms, his mouth fastening hungrily on hers while his hands rediscovered the sleek curves of her body. Without another word he lifted her and carried her into the bedroom, tossing her across the bed just as he’d done the first time he’d made love to her. Swiftly he pulled her jeans down and off, then shoved the sweatshirt up to reveal her pretty round breasts. “I can’t take it slow,” he whispered, jerking his pants open.
She didn’t need for him to take it slow. She needed him, and she held her arms out to him. He spread her thighs and mounted her, controlling himself just long enough to slow his entry so he wouldn’t hurt her, and with a low cry of pleasure Rachel took him into her body.
They lay in bed the rest of the day, making love and talking, but mostly just holding each other and reveling in the other’s nearness. “What happened when you got back to Washington?” she asked sometime during the afternoon.
He lay on his back with one muscular arm thrown above his head, drowsy after making love, but his eyes opened at her question. “I can’t tell you too much,” he warned. “I won’t ever be able to talk a lot about my work.”
“I know.”
“Tod Ellis talked, and that helped. Grant and I set a trap, and one of my superiors walked into it. That’s about all I can tell you.”
“Were there others in your department?”
“Two others.”
“They almost had you,” she said, shuddering at the thought.
“They would have had me, if it hadn’t been for you.” He turned his head on the pillow and looked at her; the glow was back in her eyes, the glow that only he could produce. He never wanted to see that light go out. He reached out to touch her cheek. “I was disappointed that you weren’t pregnant,” he said softly.
She laughed. “I may be after today.”
“Just in case,” he murmured, rolling onto her.
She caught her breath. “Yes, by all means, just in case.”
EPILOGUE
THEY SAT ON the porch of the big farmhouse where Grant and Jane lived, enjoying the warmth of the late summer sunshine. Kell was leaning back in his chair, his booted feet propped on the railing, and Grant was sprawled in a position of total relaxation. Both men looked sleepy after the heavy meal they had just eaten, but nevertheless two pairs of alert eyes monitored the children playing in the yard while Rachel and Jane were in the house. Presently the two women joined their husbands on the porch, sitting down in big rockers.
Kell straightened abruptly as Jamie, who was no more than a toddler, fell down in the yard, but before he could open his mouth the four little boys crowded around her, and Dane—or Daniel?—helped her up, brushing the dirt from her chubby little legs. The five children looked unusual together, with the three Sullivan boys almost white haired, they were so blond, while both Brian and Jamie were dark, with black hair and eyes. Jamie was the queen of that particular crowd, ruling everyone with her big eyes and dimples. She was going to be small, while Brian had his father’s build.
The children ran shrieking toward the barn, with Dane and Daniel each holding one of Jamie’s hands, and Brian and Craig behind them. The four adults watched them go. “Can you believe,” Kell said thoughtfully, “that we’re in our forties and have five preschoolers between us?”
“Speak for yourself,” Rachel returned. “Jane and I are still young.”