We both smile as something unspoken passes between us. The chemistry and spark we share is like nothing I’ve ever felt before.
She proceeds to give me more details about their whole accidental pregnancy, got married and stayed together for the sake of the kids story. It’s both sad and admirable.
We eventually head down to the river for our afternoon walk. I love it down here. It’s so special to have a place like this in the middle of a city.
We talk and get to know each other better. She tells me about her charity work and that she volunteers to teach a few Spanish and Italian classes at the local community center when she’s able to. I tell her a bit about my messed-up family situation. Not every gritty detail, but enough for her to understand that they’re not in my life anymore. I tell her about what Jade asked this morning and my struggle with considering reaching out to them.
She encouraged me to do what will make me happy and comfortable. I’m not sure they’re one in the same though.
I tell her about my sponsor, Freddie. That he’s encouraged me to really think through reaching out to my family. She seems to agree, so I’m going to let it be for a while. I hope Jade understands that I can’t just jump back into this.
I ask about her family growing up. I know she has her three sons, but I don’t know anything about her childhood.
She gives me a sad look. “I grew up in a smaller town in western Pennsylvania. My family was very religious. My parents were older than most. Both of my brothers are much older than me. I imagine I wasn’t planned. My father and brothers were in the military and lived a strict code of conduct that I never quite subscribed to. When I fell pregnant out of wedlock, things became further strained. I saw less and less of them as the years went on. But when I got divorced, the worst sin there is, that was truly the end. Both of my parents have since passed, but they were barely in my life anyway.” She looks regretful as she says that.
I rub her back in compassion. “I guess we can relate more than I thought.”
She nods. “Yes, we can. I do make an effort with my brothers, but it’s not reciprocated. Though my youngest nephew recently reached out that he’s coming to Philly for graduate school and asked me to have lunch. Perhaps that will be the impetus for change. He’s the baby of the bunch. I haven’t seen him since he was a little boy. I’m actually really looking forward to connecting with him.” She has such a hopeful look. I want it to work out for her.
“That sounds promising. You saidfurtherstrained with regard to your relationship with your family. What did you mean by that?”
She smiles. “In my hometown, women are good for two things - staying home and making babies. For most, it starts at around eighteen years old. As the only girl, it was more than expected of me to do the same. I just never wanted that small town lifestyle. I always stuck out like a sore thumb from the rest of my family. I had opinions, I was into fashion, I wanted to be educated, live in a big city, and travel abroad. Me wanting to go to college, especially a college away from home, was really the beginning of the end of my relationship with my family. Everything that came after only substantiated their fears of me living away from home. And…” She hesitates.
“And what?”
She takes a few deep breaths. “My father used to push around my mother a bit. It was never extreme, but enough that it bothered me and enough that I wanted to get away from him as soon as I could.”
I rub her arm. “I’m sorry you went through that.”
She shrugs. “I ended up forming my own family pretty young. Things didn’t go exactly in the order I planned, but I did get most of it, and I live a pretty nice life. My boys are all amazing men. They have a truly special father who has always shown them in both his words and actions how to treat women. They’ve all found wonderful women to share their lives with. My family is only growing with all of them now married and new grandchildren constantly coming into the picture. I’m still very tight with my two best friends from college. Life is mostly good. I try not to dwell on my life growing up. I do my best to move forward.”
I certainly understand that. I do the exact same. I do my best to forget the past and try to make a better future.
As we continue walking, I take a lot of pictures. Some of the beautiful scenery, and some of the beautiful woman I’m with.
I look down at the camera and show her the latest picture. “You’re very photogenic. Did you ever model?”
She laughs. “No, but flattery will get you everywhere.”
“It was a legitimate question. You have the looks and the body for it.”
“My body was nine months pregnant at nineteen. Not exactly model material.” She pauses for a brief moment. “I did have a few inquiries in my teen years, but my father wouldn’t consider it. Like I mentioned, he was military and religious, which meant he was overbearing and protective. My brothers were the same. I was the baby girl and was always treated accordingly. I was also tall and awkward as a teen. I don’t think it would have worked out.”
I nod in understanding. “You’ll have to let me photograph you one day.”
“Hmm. Isn’t that what you’re doing right now?”
I tug on her shirt as I pull her closer. “I mean in your natural state. Without this stuff in the way.”
She shakes her head. “I don’t know that I’d ever be comfortable with that.”
I kiss her neck and feel her shiver. I move my way up to her ear and whisper, “Trust me, it’s an amazingly erotic experience. You’ll love it. I won’t force you, but I hope one day you’ll trust me enough to allow me the honor.”
She smirks at me and whispers back, “Let’s see how things go before I become Rose from Titanic.”
I laugh. “Okay.”
We walk a little further. I take a deep breath and focus on what I’m about to say. “There’s something I need to tell you. I’m not sure how you’re going to take it.”