“Fine, but you’re not sweeping this under the rug. I want to meet my family. I’m sure your siblings have kids. I want to know any cousins I may have.”
I nod. “I’ll think about it. That’s the best I can promise you right now. I’m not saying no. I’m saying that I need time to come to terms with what it may look like if I try to reach out to them.”
“Okay, Dad.”
After breakfast, I drop off Jade and head to a coffeehouse to meet Freddie. He’s waiting for me when I walk in and has already purchased me my drink of choice. I nod my head in gratitude as I take a seat at the table.
“Declan, I was happy to get your text yesterday. How long have you been back?”
“I just got off the plane yesterday.”
“I haven’t heard from you since the first week you were gone. You’re supposed to check in with me more often. Did you stay out of trouble?”
I smile. “I sure did. I was working sixteen-hour days to get back early.”
“Wow, that’s extreme. Did you have time for any fun? Youalwaysmanage to make time for fun.” He gives me a knowing look.
I shake my head. “I meant what I told you on the phone after I arrived. I met the perfect woman. I didn’t touch another woman the entire time I was gone. I wasn’t even tempted. I put my head down and plowed through my work at a record pace. I wanted to get back to Jade and to this woman so I could see where things go with her.”
He looks surprised. “I’ve never seen you like this. Have you spoken with her since you’re back?”
I smile. “I went straight there from the airport. I stayed with her last night.”
He nods. “Is she feeling as strongly as you’re feeling?”
I shrug. “I don’t know for sure. It seems like it. She’s special, Freddie. She’s way out of my league. I need to be careful so I don’t fuck this up.”
“Does she know about your past?”
“She knows I’m an addict. Fortunately, that didn’t deter her. We’ve barely spent any time together. We’re going for a long walk this afternoon. I’ll fill her in on a few things then.”
“Make sure you do. Being honest is part of your recovery.”
“I know.”
I take a deep breath. “Jade asked about my family this morning. She wants to meet them?”
He mumbles, “Oh shit.” He looks up at me. “What did you say?”
“I told her I’d think about it.”
“How are you feeling about it?”
“Honestly, I’m scared. There’s a part of me that thinks it may be time. I’ve been clean for ten years. I’d like to think they’d welcome me back. But then there’s a part of me that’s afraid of rejection and how I’d handle it. I’ve done some pretty unforgivable things. I wouldn’t blame them if they slam the door in my face.”
“I think forgiveness starts with you. The real question is, have you finally forgiven yourself?”
I shake my head. “No. I’ll never have the chance to truly make things right. It’s a hard pill to swallow.”
“I know. You need to take your time and think this through. I’m not sure you’re ready for this just yet. You still have some work to do on yourself.”
“I know. I just don’t want to disappoint Jade. She seems fixated on having family around. She’s never had that.”
He nods in understanding.
“I did get some good news today, though.”
He smiles. “What’s that?”