She shrugs and whispers, “I don’t know.”
“It’s not the boys, is it?”
She shakes her head. “No, nothing like that.” She looks up at me. “Can we talk?”
I nod. Darian walks by me. “I’ll give you two some privacy.”
I grab her arm. “You can stay.”
She smiles. “No. I’ll be in our bedroom.” She turns back to Melissa. “Take as much time as you need.”
Melissa nods in gratitude.
As soon as Darian disappears, I motion for Melissa to have a seat in a kitchen chair and she does. I sit a few feet away in another chair. “What’s wrong?”
She has fresh tears in her eyes. “Everything you said a few weeks ago was right. I resented everything I didn’t have and couldn’t be thankful for what I did have. I never let myself consider falling for you. It wasn’t a conscious decision, but you were right about the way I acted. I take full responsibility for the failure of our marriage.”
I shake my head. “There’s no reason to carry the burden of the blame. It’s no one’s fault. We were both victims of circumstance. There’s no sense in dwelling on the past. Let it go, Melissa. I have.”
“That’s not why I’m here. I just felt like I needed to say that to you. Like I owe it to you. I do have a question for you though.”
She briefly pauses to compose herself for whatever she’s about to ask. “Do you think if I hadn’t gotten pregnant and we were allowed a more normal progression of our relationship, we would have eventuallyreallyfallen in love? If we eliminated the stresses of a rushed wedding, having no money, a new baby, and all the other stuff that went with it, that we would have had our own storybook romance?”
This isn’t what I was expecting. I take a long breath. I’ve actually thought about this a lot over the years. “Do you want me to be honest?”
“Please.”
I nod. I’ll give her honesty. I owe her that. “When we were married, I thought that. I thought we might feel differently for each other if we could have done things the right way. If we progressed like a normal relationship. But…”
“But what? Tell me.”
“Are you sure you want to hear this? It may hurt.”
“Yes. I need your honesty. I promise it won’t hurt.”
“But since meeting Darian, I don’t feel that way anymore. The first second I saw her, I knew she was the one for me. I don’t think I can adequately describe the intense, immediate physical attraction. I felt things the first time I spoke to her and touched her that I’ve never experienced in my life. It was a shock to my system.” She closes her eyes. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you.”
She’s silent for a moment before she opens her eyes. “I’m okay. Can you…can you explain your love to me?”
I shake my head. “No. That’s not a good idea.”
“I know you think you’re hurting me, Jackson, but you’re not. You’re helping me. I promise. I have things to work out in my head. Tell me. Tell me how you feel about her. Explain the love you share. I want to understand it.”
I blow out another long breath. This may be a mistake, but she is asking for it. I run my fingers through my hair as I look at her with the compassion I currently feel.
“Melissa, she’s the center of my universe. Nothing feels right without her next to me. She’s the first person I want to see in the morning. She’s the last person I want to see before I go to bed at night. I rush through my work day to get home to her because I genuinely miss her in the handful of hours we’re apart. She’s always on my mind. I think about her. I dream about her. I know everyone makes fun of me for how handsy I am with her, but I have an intense need to touch her at all times. I don’t know that I can control it. I want her to touch me at all times too. I’m not going into certain other details, but our chemistry is off the charts. All in a unique way that I’ve frankly never experienced before. Every part of me believes we were meant to be together. That she’s my soulmate.”
She closes her eyes again and swallows hard. When she reopens them, she slowly nods her head. “And your deep physical attraction to her hit you immediately? It wasn’t something that grew over time?”
“It hit me like a freight train the first second I laid eyes on her. The first time I touched her was like that freight train times a million. It was completely out my control. My body had a mind of its own.”
She’s quiet as she bites her lip. She’s clearly deep in thought. “Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate it.”
“Are you okay?”
She gives me a resigned look. “No, but hopefully I will be one day soon.”
“Tell me what’s happening. Let me help you. Did you meet someone?”