Chapter 1 Ren
My heart raced each thump a bruising thud that made my blood rush all the harder and burn through my already straining lungs. Loud thuds echoed over the pounding rain, the icy sheets slapping into my skin like knives that I ignored because I couldn’t stop.
If I did, I was done. I knew it as surely as I was running out of ground.
“Ren!”
Oh God, no. Please no. Help me.
I begged, praying with a desperation that made the words run together, even as I slipped over the slick ground and nearly careened into a tree. I had to get away, I just had to, and the thought wasn’t just one of desperate fear but also pure rage. How could I have been stupid enough to stay here after everything Shane had done? I should have gone back home—
But, no. If I had, if I’d slunk home to my old pack after a failed mating and admitted to mama that I’d made a mistake in marrying Shane…
I couldn’t fathom the nightmare my life would have become then.
Run, Ren. Just stop thinking and run!
I obeyed my wolf, forcing my limbs to pick up speed even though every move, every step, every breath was becoming agony the longer I ran through the trees, darting through shadows, ignoring the violence above as the skies erupted over me.
All I could think about as I ran for freedom and tried to ignore the sound of Shane’s pursuit was escape. Though my muscles burned beneath frozen skin and leaden limbs, I kept running. If I’d shifted, I’d be gone already. I may have been a lot smaller than my abusive ex, but where he dominated with size and strength, I made up for in speed.
But I didn’t shift, I reminded myself, my lungs wheezing, burning, screaming. There’d been no time to shift when I’d gotten home to my trailer and sensed Shane nearby. I’d panicked, and instead of thinking like I should have, I’d run, and in so doing, I’d screwed myself over.
Now I was full human, running from a man a lot bigger and stronger than me, and the minute my muscles gave up, which wasn’t far off, he’d have me. And then…
Well, then I was in deep shit, and I knew it, I thought, a gasp of fear leaving me as lightning split the sky so hard it penetrated the dark canopy and lit up the trees around me. Ahead, I saw into the coming gloom, and what I saw scared me and thrilled me.
An edge. A cliff was coming up. Not far now, I thought as I kept running and shivered despite the molten burn in my legs.
“It’s okay, Ren. It’s okay.” I panted as a plan formed.
No. I can’t…
It’s you or him, Renny. Remember what he said last time?
I choked back a scream of terror when his words filtered through my panicked mind, and another clap of thunder hit, the blaze of light that followed turning the inky night into a horror scene as the cliff edge grew closer.
I couldn’t do this. It was wrong, but even as I had the thought, I felt something scrape against my shoulder and heard the growl of my own living nightmare. It was too close. Shane was too close, and as another jagged streak of lightning hit and I broke through the trees, I had a split-second decision to make.
It wasn’t easy, but the answer came as soon as the question formed in my mind. I couldn’t let anything bad happen, even if…
Dragging in a breath that blazed through my screaming lungs like a raging fire, I darted left and turned, ready to tell Shane what was ahead. I screamed instead and twisted as he lunged at me and then screamed louder as I watched a man I swore I would always love plunge over the edge…
“Would you snap out of it!” I yelled, shaking off the memory so hard I was left panting in the front seat of my car.
This particular memory was a nightmare for me. Part memory, part…I didn’t even know what to call it but I knew that I if kept letting it intrude, I’d never get over that night. Heck, it was a miracle I was still sane after that harrowing ordeal, and despite everything Walker had said to me in the intervening month, it really was a miracle that I was alive.
But I wouldn’t think about that. I couldn’t sit here, in my car, in front of a prospective employment opportunity, reliving the night my ex tried to kill me and ended up jumping to his own death.
Besides, it really wasn’t my fault.
He chased me. He was going to hurt me, and to be fair to myself, Iwasgoing to try to save him, even knowing I was in danger.
“Just stop this, Ren. It’s over. He’s dead. You are not to blame. What you need to focus on now is getting this job.” I snarled, blowing out a breath as I stared at the house in front of me and prayed for help.
I needed this job, and it didn’t matter that I was terrified at the prospect of leaving my trailer where safety waited and beckoned me. What mattered was landing this job, not thinking about Shane, who, for all intents and purposes, killed himself when he tried to grab me and ended up leaping over the edge of a cliff.
So I would do this and forget that I woke up nightly, tormented by dreams of that night. Dreams that were only slightly more nightmarish because my mind twisted the memory of them and added things that didn’t belong.