Every inch of me rejected the idea of losing his touch, so much so that my hand shot outward and gripped his chest. His t-shirt was soft against my bruised knuckles, and I gripped a handful of the material in my palm and anchored myself to him.
“I don’t know where you think I’m going, sweetheart, but I promise the only place I want to be is right next to you.” He wrapped his fingers around my wrist, his thumb sweeping across my pulse point. “Does your heart always beat this fast?”
I… maybe?
I’d never been able to catch my breath. Peace was as foreign to me as compassion was, and for as long as I could remember, I’d been racing against the clock above my head.
Tick. Tock.
Foster’s presence made it marginally better. He’d slowed me down enough to smile every so often, but the moment he died, I was sprinting again—never quite certain if I was running toward something or far, far away.
“I wonder which moves faster, baby bird, your heart or your mind.”
I made a noise in my throat.
My mind—no contest.
The thoughts pressing at my skull often gave me whiplash, and I spent most of my time sorting them into sections of truths and lies. My father lived firmly on one side with the facts of Foster’s death hovering somewhere in the middle.
There wasn’t a lot of authenticity in my life, not a lot of things I was certain of. If I had to draw the last nineteen years of my life, I’d pen a giant question mark, dripping in my blood—for all the pain I’d experienced and for all the reasons I didn’t have.
Roman Hayes was the first genuine thing I’d ever felt, not just in the patience he’d shown me but the ferocity I saw in his eyes. It was like looking into a mirror—for everything he was feeling; I felt it twice as much. Maybe it was my heart compensating for my lack of voice, reaching for him, touching him in all the ways I otherwise couldn’t.
The longer I spent in his proximity, the more I craved it.Hewas the only thing I’d ever wanted—the only thing I’d felt remotely protective of, and for all the answers I didn’t have, there was one I did: this was mutual.
Lord help whoever tried to take me away from him.
Roman’s hands found purchase beneath my armpits and he lifted me with ease, plopping me across his lap. A surprised sound tore through my throat, and I felt his chuckle vibrate his chest. He pinched my chin with his thumb and forefinger, lifting my gaze to his.
“Is this okay?”
I nodded.
He smiled, slipping his thumb across the curve of my lips. “Affection is foreign to you, isn’t it, sweetheart? Nobody has ever given you what you deserve?”
I tightened the grip I had on his shirt when I shook my head.
“That changes today,” he vowed.
It was a threat to the world as much as it was a promise to me.
“You’ll have to tell me if I’m too intense. The last thing I want is for my baby bird to fly away.”
That wasn’t likely to happen, not just because I never wanted to leave this office but because I was pretty sure my wings didn’t work.
“There’s this sort of preconceived notion about psychologists. This idea that our job revolves around getting our patients to reveal whatever secrets they may or may not have. I think that’s what your father was hoping I’d do with you.”
His hand slipped across my jaw and wrapped around the back of my neck. I pillowed my cheek against his chest and felt his fingers dance along my hairline as he spoke.
“This job is about guiding someone through their fears and watching them come out the other side stronger for it. I’ve had hundreds of patients, Sebastian, and I’ve watched each one cross a proverbial bridge back into the world but you? I don’t want you to cross that bridge. Not without me.”
Certitude melted off his lips, and I had an urge to taste it.
“There’s this voice inside my head, this deity of the universe that's decided I make no sense without you.”
The only voice I heard was his… but it was enough.Plenty.
“A week ago, I was barely aware of your existence, and now it feels like it’s the only one that matters. The voice in my head that’s telling me you’re mine is also telling me there’s something I need to protect you from. So you just tell me who your villain is, baby bird, because I promise for as scary as they are, I’m worse.”