Geez, go right to the heart of the matter, why don’t he.
“I thought I would be able to keep things casual. Just have some fun. Dip my toes back into the lifestyle…” I close my eyes, not able to continue.
I was so naïve to think that about myself. It seemed so innocuous when I was talking to people online. Even meeting someone from the internet felt less complicated. Who knew that meeting someone in person would be so different? I can’t help but wonder if I had met someone other than Axel that night if I’d be in the same position I’m in right now. I don’t think I would. There’s just something about Axel that feels… right. And the fact that it feels right means it’s so wrong.
“Go on,” he says, pushing me to continue. He’s always pushing me for more. I should hate it, but I don’t. I like that he doesn’t let me hide. Which is part of the problem.
“Then I met you and realized it wouldn’t be possible. I’m not built for a casual relationship. That’s why we can’t continue.”
He reaches across the table and grabs my hand before I can pull it away. “I don’t understand why you’re so stuck on things being casual. We started something good, and I want to see it through.”
I look down at our clasped hands. His tanned and strong, mine pale and dainty in his grasp. Such opposites. We’re in different places in our lives. Continuing with him will end in more heartache when he realizes what a mess I am. Not to mention the whole ready-made family situation. Henry and I are a package deal. That’s a lot for any man to handle.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I know you’re scared, but you’ll never know if it can work out if you don’t step out of your comfort zone and try. Take a chance on us.” The sincerity in his voice rings through loud and clear. He really does want to try.
I chew on my bottom lip. My heart is thumping hard in my chest at the thought of seeing where things go between us. Can I take a chance? Is it worth the potential heartbreak if things don’t work out later? I just don’t know. And there’s Henry to think about. I don’t want him to get attached only to be upset if Axel disappears from our lives later.
“What about Henry?” I ask, needing to know how he feels about the fact that I have a son.
“What about him?” Axel asks.
“When we started you didn’t sign up to be with a single mother.”
He turns his attention to my ice cream covered son as he considers his response. I wish I could crawl inside his brain and hear his thoughts.
“It’s a surprise since you never mentioned him, but you having a kid isn’t a deal breaker for me.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding. He wants a relationship with me and he’s okay with Henry. I’m running out of excuses.
“Just go on a date with me. Away from the club. Let’s see if we are compatible in other ways before you find another roadblock for me to break down.” He sounds so reasonable that I find myself nodding in agreement.
“One date…”
“Just one.”
I take a deep, steadying breath. “Okay. One date.”
Henry finishes his ice cream, and I clean him up. “Was that good, buddy?”
“Yep!”
“Can you thank Axel for buying it for you?”
“Thank you,” he says shyly.
“You’re welcome, little man.”
After I get Henry strapped back into his car seat, I find Axel leaning against the side of my car, waiting. I give him a questioning look because I thought he had left already. I let out a little squeal when he pulls me against his chest and kisses the hell out of me. I melt against him, kissing him back with just as much passion. By the time we break apart, I’m completely dazed… and turned on. So freakin’ turned on.
“What was that for?” I ask, gasping for breath.
“I want you to think about that kiss every time you try to talk yourself out of our date tomorrow night.”
“I won’t back out.”
He leans in and gives me a quick kiss. “I know you won’t.”