I shake my head with a laugh. “Yes, he’s hot. Melt your panties hot. With a sexy southern accent.”
“Sounds good so far. Are you planning to see him again?”
“Um… actually… I saw him again last night.”
“Oh my God, Addy! Two nights in a row? Wait, wait, wait. Did you scene with this man after knowing him for just one day?”
“When you say it like that, it sounds like a bad thing,” I say with a frown.
Was it a little impulsive to fall into a scene with him so quickly? Maybe. But it just felt right.
“I mean, it’s just not like you. It took you talking with several potential men online before picking one to get to know. Then you took even longer to agree to meet him…”
“That was different. Online dating is so impersonal. Axel and I just sort of clicked. He seems like a good guy,” I add.
“I’m sure he’s fine. I trust your judgment. You’re not a reckless person… So… you had a scene with a hot southern bartender. How was it?”
I flop back on my bed, replaying the night in my head. I skip over my freakout, not wanting to think about it. “It was great. Just what I needed.”
“Was he good to you?” she presses like the mama bear that she is.
“Yes, he was. If I’m being honest. I didn’t want it to end,” I admit.
“I thought you were only looking for something casual since your focus is on Henry,” she says, reminding me of my purpose.
“It is just casual. It was just one scene. It’s not like I have plans to see him again.”
“Would you scene with him again if he asks?” she presses harder.
Would I? The answer is a resounding yes, but if I admit it out loud, it makes it true, and that’s a scary concept. If I wanted nothing but casual, I wouldn’t be so excited by the thought of another scene with him.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“That maybe sounds an awful lot like a yes,” she says.
“I can play with a man more than once and keep things casual.”
“I know. I just don’t want you to lose sight of your priorities.”
“Never. Henry is my top priority. Just because I found a potential play partner doesn’t mean anything has changed,” I say. And I mean it. “The two things are totally separate.”
“I just worry about you. You’re all alone there. I don’t want you clinging onto the first person that shows you attention.”
Is that what this is? Am I infatuated with Axel because I’m lonely? I really think about it and decide that no, that’s not it. I might not have many friends in Monett, but I’m not lonely. In fact, since we moved, I feel stronger than ever. I now know I can stand on my own two feet and thrive.
Henry and I are closer than ever, and life is good. I still miss William every day—I always will—but I’m no longer drowning in my grief. I like Axel just because I do, not because I am clinging to any scrap of attention I’m shown.
“I’m not, Pelar. Seriously, stop worrying so much. I’m doing good. Better than I ever imagined.”
“You just keep saying that and one day it’ll convince me. I can’t help but worry when I can’t just run around the corner and see you.”
“I miss you too, bestie.”
“I’m coming to see you as soon as school lets out for the summer. No arguments,” she says.
“You remind me every time we talk. I look forward to seeing you. I can’t wait for you to see how much Henry has grown. I know it’s only been six months, but I swear he’s grown two inches.”
“I can’t wait. Just a few more months.”