“That’s bullshit, and you know it.” Danika smacked her hand on the arm of the couch. “Do you want this child or not?”
I hadn’t realized how much I wanted a family, a future with Devani, until I’d held her last night.
“I won’t force her to give me something she doesn’t want.”
The hardness on Danika’s face evaporated, and something like pity replaced it. “You need to tell her how you feel.”
“What changed your mind? You were so determined never to have kids.” Jayna stood, moved to my bar, poured a few fingers of scotch, and then brought it to me. “Drink. I know your clear-head rule, but you need to take the edge off and give us the whole story.”
Sighing, I followed her order. As the potent liquid burned down my throat and took the expected effect on my senses, I wrapped my mind around the words I’d say.
“Both of you know how it started with us, or what we let you believe.”
Danika and Jayna nodded in unison.
“We lied. We weren’t the casual-fuck-when-the-itch-hit-us arrangement. Unconventional as it was, we were exclusive.”
Jayna reached over and set a hand over mine. “Sam, you’ve never been good at hiding how you felt about her. You thawed for her.”
“Well, if it makes you feel any better,” Danika added, “to anyone who knew her, they saw how you affected her too. She’s bitchy and snarky on a good day, but it went to another level when it came to you. In all the years I’ve known her, she’s guarded her relationship with you beyond anything I’ve ever seen. You are the one subject even I can’t touch.”
I held Danika’s gaze, knowing I had failed to hide the impact her words had on me.
Releasing a breath to settle my emotions, I continued my story. “At some point between the time you and Nik married and Rey and Lilly figured their shit out, I started believing there was a slight possibility for a future with Devani.” I shook my head, running a hand over my face.
Jayna’s fingers tightened over mine. “Devani became a priority, and you pushed your hatred for Papa to the back.”
“I still hate the bastard, but the idea of giving him power over my future wasn’t something I’d allow him to do anymore.”
“Future meaning a family outside of our crew.” Danika unconsciously rubbed the slight swell of her belly.
I nodded.
“Will you still want this baby, even if you two don’t get back together?”
“Yes,” I said without hesitation. “As Arin told me all those years ago, I was a result of adults making adult decisions. My child is the same. They are my legacy, Arin’s legacy.”
“Are you leaving the final decision on this to her, no matter the outcome?”
“Yes.”
“And if she decides to keep the baby?”
“Then one of our issues is settled.”
“And the other?”
“I can’t do the same thing over and over again, then expect a different result.”
“You love her.”
I stared at Danika. “Was that a question?”
“I guess this means no more chasing the Queen of Diamonds?” Jayna hummed.
“I’ve played my hand. It’s up to Devani now.”
“Good. It’s time my girl got a bit of her own medicine.” Danika set the fruit container on the side table. “She’s so used to bottling up her feelings that she thinks everyone has to play by her rules.”