“No.” She shook her head. “Only a few days. I’ll come back…you’ll see.”
I wanted to trust her.
I wanted to trust that I would survive Drake’s invasion, that I’d be a better man afterward, that I could move on from Serigala, and somehow find the strength to trust in us.
But…trust had always been my downfall, and I knew deep in my gut that this wasn’t temporary.
This was permanent…Eleanor just didn’t know it yet.
I pulled away.
Our time was up.
Her hair slipped over my hands as I released her with reluctance.
Cal’s presence lurked outside. The pilots were seconds away from soaring into the sky. I tried to order my tongue into saying something poignant, something that she’d always remember.
I love you.
I need you.
You’re mine…even if I’m letting you go.
But in the end, I just kissed her.
I sank my hands into her hair one last time and crushed my mouth to hers.
I braced for harsh finality.
To kiss her with savagery and sin.
Instead, I kissed her softly, slowly, longingly. A final farewell even while she said temporary. My tongue slipped past her lips, tasting her, groaning with regret.
She moaned, opening wider, inviting me to take her deeper, to blend us together, to twine her lust with mine.
Her hands swooped up and clutched my shirt, yanking me into her.
I stumbled, resting on my haunches while we kissed and the helicopter gave us its last jerky warning before it winged into the sky.
I needed to leave.
To plan for war.
But still, I kissed her.
I lost myself in her.
I gave myself one exquisite moment where I trusted in a future I could not have.
And then, I let her go.
I leaped from the helicopter.
I punched the fuselage with all the pent-up fury inside me.
I slammed the door, keeping my gaze far from my greatest jinx.
And I locked my knees against the downdraft as Eleanor soared toward the stars.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck, it hurt.
Cal stood with me, silent against the slicing screech of the rotor blades until the pilots banked and headed out to sea.
I rubbed at the bleeding within my chest.
I’d been torn in two. Ripped apart. Turned into half of everything that I’d been.
As the palm trees calmed, and Pika and Skittles darted from the jungle, too late to say goodbye, Cal’s hand landed on my shoulder, squeezing hard. “You’re a fool, Sinclair. A goddamn fool.”
I growled in warning. I felt exactly like a fool, but I didn’t need the goddamn staff rubbing my face in it. “I’d stay silent if I were you.”
“Someone has to knock some sense into your thick skull. I don’t envy you, but…I get it.”
“Get what precisely? That I went against my every rule, and now I’m paying the price?”
“Get that you didn’t have a choice.”
“I did have a choice.” I flashed him a cold smile, doing my best to ignore the lacerating holes in my heart. “I just chose wrong. I fell, and now she’s gone.”
He scowled. “I’ve never seen you lie that well before.”
I sighed. “It wasn’t a lie.”
“You told her she can come back?”
“I did.”
“And you meant it?”
I shrugged, doing my best to stand still without stumbling with regret. “It doesn’t matter what I meant. It’s over.”
“She was good for you, man. I think you’ve made a mistake.”
I glowered. “Back off, you don’t know a goddamn thing—”
“She’ll come back, you know. You can’t be that stupid to think she won’t.”
Keeping my eyes on the night-beacon flashing in the sky, I balled my hands. “Once she learns who I truly am, she won’t. She’ll make the decision for me. I won’t have to break her heart…she’ll break mine.”
“She’s not like the others, Sullivan. She’s fallen for you, but she’s smart, too. She’ll figure out a way.”
I turned to face him, dislodging his hold on me. “We both know I don’t do well in love. Either they get killed because of my good intentions, or they die directly at my hand. This way, she stays alive.”
“She might break the pattern.”
“Or she might be exactly the same.”
“She’ll still attempt to come back.”
“She can try…but she won’t succeed.”
Cal’s green gaze sparked with understanding, shaking his head. “Oh, you sneaky son of a bitch.”
Striding up the gangway, I held out my finger for Pika. He descended gently, chirping with worry, sensing my scrambled emotions. Skittles continued to zip in the darkness, her mournful squeaking breaking my fucking heart all over again.
Cal sniffed. “She won’t be able to come back because no one without an invitation can find us.”
I gritted my teeth, swallowing more pain. “Exactly.”
Without the dark web coordinates, my islands were only accessible by fluke or fortune. I’d sent her away knowing that. I’d agreed to her promise of temporary, all while knowing she could never return.
Permanent, Jinx.
It’s over.
Christ, will the pain ever stop?
“Fuck, she’s gonna be pissed when she realises,” Cal muttered.
“She’ll be grateful because she’ll hate me.”