The first shot of vodka was only meant to take the edge off. I wasn’t proud of sneaking back inside the guesthouse, but the fear of what might go wrong overrode my pride.
Music playing and people talking outside only makes my anxiety worse, which fuels the vicious cycle.
I’m not happy with my moment of weakness, which drives me to drink some more. It’s a pathetic sight. Me sitting on the floor, nursing a bottle of vodka while Merlin stares from the other side of the room, secretly judging me. I don’t stop until the burn in my throat rivals the one in my chest.
By the time I pull myself together and go outside, the party is in full swing. I slide my sunglasses into place to hide any signs of my secret.
Wyatt lifts his chin in my direction before resuming his conversation with a couple other men I don’t recognize.
“I was wondering where you went. I’ve been looking all over for you.” Lana holds out a plastic inner tube for me. “Cami was hoping you could help her with this one.”
I grab the inflatable from her hands without speaking.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yup.” I stick the little plastic nozzle in my mouth and start blowing.
Her head tilts. “Are you sure?”
I nod.
She places her hand against my cheek. Her furrowed brows add to the shitty feeling brewing in my chest. “What’s wrong?”
The fact that I drank despite knowing how much you hate it.
I lean away from her touch. “Just tired.”
“That’s a shame then because I had plans for us tonight.” A teasing smile tugs at her lips.
“I’m sure I’ll get a second wind.”
She rises on the tips of her toes and kisses my cheek. “I hope so. After our last time, I owe you.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.”
“I’d expect no less from you.” She flashes me a flirty smile that has my cock rising into action. “But you have to leave before Cami wakes up. If she catches us together, she will go into wedding-planning mode.”
I laugh. “Deal.”
Something in Lana shifts at the sound. Her nose twitches and her mouth pulls down into a frown. “Are you…” She steals my sunglasses off my face. “Really? At a kid’s party?”
My stomach drops. “I can explain.”
“Why bother?” She throws my sunglasses at me before she turns around. Her hips sway as she walks away, tempting me to grab her so she can hear me out.
And say what? You drank because you couldn’t handle a six-year-old’s birthday party?
Right. Because that doesn’t sound pathetic at all.
You’re no better than her sister, making her upset with your selfish choices and lack of control.
The thought of relating to someone like Antonella only feeds on my fears, allowing them to grow until I have no choice but to escape.
Did you really expect anything less from someone who is so damn good at fucking up?
Nope. Not at all.
My anxiety and self-loathing fester and grow with each passing hour of Cami’s birthday party. For the most part, I keep to myself, mainly because Wyatt, Delilah, and Violet made it obvious from the start that they don’t want anything to do with me. I know what my old friends think of me. It’s obvious in the way they stare.