This is the least I can do right now. That way I will be right on track when I do return for the next semester. No matter what, I'm determined to make the best life possible for my daughter and me.
As I study, my mind wanders a little bit. Of course I'm sad that Steve's not going to be in our lives, but at least I can take satisfaction in doing the best with what I have. That's more than my parents ever gave to Derek and me.
I’m determined to do my best to make up for the bad childhood that I had by giving my daughter all the best that I possibly can.
As I rock the baby in my arms, eventually she falls asleep again. I know I should probably put her back in the crib, but I want to hold her for just a little bit longer.
The nurse interrupts and brings lunch. She is quiet as she enters the room and sets a tray of food down on the bedside table. I move my books aside and set them at the foot of my bed.
It's only then that I put my daughter into her cradle so that I can eat and study at the same time. In between bites of food and studying, though, I constantly glance over at her to make sure that she's all right.
It feels so new and strange to have such an innocent little creature depending on me. I hope I can do right by her— especially because she won’t have a father in her life.
Chapter 14 – Steve
The Leviathans just won the Super Bowl yesterday, so I have some vacation time. Soon enough, I'm back at home. This time, instead of flying, I drove.
I'm actually not that far away from my hometown— just a few hours.
As soon as I get into town from New York, I drive straight over to Bella and Derek's house. It's the middle of the day when I show up. I get out of my car and knock loudly on the door this time, almost pounding on it.
It's no longer a surprise to me that Derek answers it once again. But itisannoying. I'm not in the mood to deal with him.
"What do you want?" he starts to demand.
I nearly snap back at him as I answer in an angry mood.
"What are you doing and what happened between us? Something's changed between us and I want to know why? I want to know what it is! You're my best friend.”
When he doesn’t say anything, I just keep talking, determined to get my feelings out once and for all, after so much time spent holding them in.
“What's going on; are you jealous of me? I bet that's what it is. You're jealous that I got drafted and now my football career has taken off and I went to the Super Bowl and I'm the most talked about player out there!" I accuse him.
He smirks at me before replying, "You wish. You need to get over yourself. I'm in no way jealous of you. Besides, you’re one to talk," he scoffs at me.
"What does that even mean? You're not making any sense. See, we never used to bicker or argue or ignore each other like this. What is going on now?" I demand of him.
The whole conversation turns into an angry argument, but then again, maybe that's the way it was meant to be from the start.
"Look, man, I don't know what to say. This entire situation is on you,” Derek responds angrily. “It's all been caused by you. You're the one who just up and left. You don't even call anymore. It's like you completely forgot about me and forgot about this place. It’s like you threw our fucking friendship away.”
"What do you mean? How dare you say that! I've tried to be friends with you. I visited you several times. I call your sister Bella constantly, but I can never get through. Her line's been disconnected, so if anyone threw this friendship away, it's you two who have abandoned me and moved on without me,” I tell him.
"Listen, buddy. I told you to stop asking me about my sister and stop talking about her! You need to leave Bella alone, do you hear me? She already has a lot on her plate now that she has another person to take care of, alright? So don't even bother trying to contact her anymore. Just forget that she even exists," Derek replies.
His words shock me. I stop the argument, feeling completely confused by what he said.
"What are you even talking about?" I ask.
"Nothing. Just leave now. I'm tired of talking to you and tired of dealing with this," Derek responds angrily.
He's agitated as he slams the door shut in my face.
I turn and walk away and get back in my car. It's typical that Derekisn't going to tell me anything.
I sit in my car for a few minutes and mull over any possibilities for what he could have meant. But there's only one idea that springs to mind. It involves the night that Bella and I were together.
Could that really be possible?