I want nothing more than for him to take me into his arms and hold me until my body, brain, and soul are back in sync.
I blink, staring up at the chandelier, and then I look over to the side and find the space James and Phoenix had been standing completely empty.
“Where—?” I start, my voice hoarse.
Kane presses dry lips to the crook of my knee. “They went to put your room back to rights.”
I laugh. The sound’s half-hysterical, and it punches out of me, making me sound like I’m losing my mind. He kisses my knee again, then down my calf. As he heads toward my feet, he slowly stretches my legs out, which ache with how much tension was in them.
“Tell me you’re alright,” he says. It’s not a question.
I rub at my eyes, then attempt to sit up, but my arms feel like jelly. “Well. I’ve been worse.”
He huffs a quiet noise, almost like a laugh, then grunts as he stands. His pain is less, but it’s never going to be completely gone. He leans on the table to brace himself, then uses both hands to ease me up.
“Are they in big trouble?” I ask, letting out a sigh of relief when he gathers me to him instead of dropping me back on the floor and stepping away.
His hands paint lines up the sides of my back. “Yes. Would you like to help with their punishment?”
I shudder. “I might, but I also kind of want a hot bath and a good, long sleep.”
He laughs. “Oh, darling girl, it’s going to last a lot longer than tonight for what they did.” He pulls back, then cups my chin and forces our gazes to meet. “I didn’t want it to be like that.”
My jaw tenses, and I feel insult crawling up my spine. “Well,Idid.” I try to wrench away, but he doesn’t let me get far. “I can’t even be mad at them, you know? I wanted—I needed something. Like, I get that I’m just some pawn to you, but you’re going to marry me and—”
“You are not just some pawn to me,” he says. There’s ice in his tone now, reflecting in his eyes. His grip on my chin is still gentle, but there’s more of a threat to it than there was a moment ago. “Alice, I understand you don’t fully trust me. I understand that my decision to take you wasn’t because I was obsessed the way the boys were.”
I swallow past a lump in my throat. I get it—but it hurts to hear.
He moves his hand, cupping my cheek, stroking his thumb over my flushed skin. “But that doesn’t mean I haven’tbecomeobsessed. That it doesn’t drive me to fucking madness and distraction every time I even let myselfthinkabout you.”
“I…you’ve never said anything,” I stutter.
He looks genuinely sorry, and I don’t know what the hell to do with that because my entire life, no one ever really apologized to me. People under my dad’s payroll were forcedto, and my family only did it to manipulate. But somehow—and God help me—I trust he means it.
“I never meant for you to believe that. New weaknesses scare me, Alice. My leg, my family’s betrayal. You.” His thumb ghosts over my lips, and they part on my exhale. “I thought you’d be good for the boys, because I know I’m not…” He bares his teeth as he looks away, and I can see the age in his face. The crow’s feet in his eyes are defined, and there are grey strands along his temples. “I can’t be enough for them…or for you. I can’t be what you all need.”
“That’s a lie,” I say. I curl my hand around his wrist and wait for him to look back at me. I feel sticky and used, and still a little unfulfilled, as I sit here with my bare pussy against the table where we all eat. Kane glances down for a second, and I know he’s thinking the same thing.
His cheeks flush.
“It’s more complicated than you understand right now, my queen,” he murmurs. He leans in, taking my mouth in a kiss as his free hand dips between us and brushes along my clit again. I’m so sensitive, and yet I want more. “And I really want to wait before I’m inside of you. But I’m done pulling away from you, alright? Just tell me what you need from me.”
I blink up at him, not sure I want to trust him. “I need to know you want me.”
He takes my hand and brings it to the rock-hard bulge in his trousers, rubbing himself with it until his eyes shut and his breath comes out in a groan. “I want you so much it hurts.”
“Let me…”
“No,” he says, but he kisses me again to soften the blow. “WhatIneed is to do this the way I imagined it. Especially with you.”
I don’t know what he means by that, but I’ll take it. It’s all I can do. “Okay.” I lick my lips, then gently ease my hand off his dick and lay it against his waist. “Can I sleep with you tonight?”
“Yes. But I won’t be able to keep my hands off you.”
I lift a brow. “Don’t threaten me with a good time.”
He laughs a real laugh—the sort that reaches his eyes—and he looks happy for just that moment.