“Dad, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life now. Graham is all I’ve ever known.”
“I know he is, but you also know exactly who you are and you’re my daughter. Your mother’s too. You’ll be back on your feet before you know it and journeying down a new road to new adventures that you can’t even imagine at the moment. But they’re there and they’re waiting for you.”
“I know I don’t ever wanna go on another adventure like the one that I’m on now because I couldn’t take it. My heart is hurting so much,” I choked out.
“And you just keep crying out all those emotions that you’re feeling. I’ll stay on the phone with you for as long as you need me to. I can even drive over, if that’s what you want, and let you cry on my shoulder.”
“No, Dad, don’t come over, but thank you for offering.” I grabbed a handful of Kleenex out of the box on my nightstand and then wiped my eyes and nose. “What I could really use is one of Mom’s hugs.”
“So could I.”
“I miss her so much and still can’t believe she’s gone.”
“I can’t either, but she’s still with me.”
“Yeah, she’s still with me too.”
“When did she last come visit you in your dreams?”
“A week ago. On the full moon, of course.”
My dad softly chuckled. “That’s your mom.”
“In that dream, we were sitting on a beach close to the shoreline and we were just talking to each other. I can’t remember what we were talking about but I do remember how vibrant and healthy Mom looked. It all felt so real, too.”
“It is real, Stevie. Our spirits live on and God allows our deceased loved ones to visit us in different ways, such as in dreams.”
“Or by making their presence known around the house like Mom does with you.”
“Yes—like shefrequentlydoes with me. It was just yesterday I smelled her perfume in the air again.”
“Are you still finding things moved from where you left them too?”
“Sure am.”
I smiled to myself. “Mom can’t help but mess with you. Even in the afterlife.”
“She always enjoyed picking on me, but I picked on her the same.”
“Oh, I remember well. You know, I really believed Graham and I were gonna grow old together and be just like you and Mom were.”
My dad grew quiet and then finally said, “Stevie, I wanna ask you something and I hope you don’t take it the wrong way.”
“What is it?”
“I’ve listened closely to everything you’ve had to say about Graham in this sad and unfortunate situation. Can you think of anything that you did, though, that might’ve played a role in your marriage falling apart? And before you answer me, please let me say I’m not justifying Graham’s affair. I’m just pointing out the reality of it taking two people to make or break a marriage. By the end of it—yes, the majority of the blame usually lies on one person’s shoulders more than the other’s, but somewhere along the way,bothpeople began doing things that eroded away their love’s foundation.”
I sighed at hearing what my dad said because I wasn’t planning on talking about matters to this degree with him. Not today. Regardless, it was about to happen anyway.
“Well, Dad… I will tell you what Graham said to me before he left our house earlier. He told me that I was married to my job and not to him. He also accused me of neglecting him,emotionally and physically, especially during the last four years. That’s why he turned to Emma.”
“Do you feel there’s any truth in what he said?”
I took another sip of my drink. “No, I don’t feel like Ineglectedhim—not as he described it. Like I was intentionally being mean or something. I’ve just been so busy at the D.A.’s office with all the cases. They take so much of my time and Graham always gave me his understanding about it.”
“Looking in from the outside, you two have seemed more like roommates than husband and wife for a good while now.”
“Jesus, that’s exactly what Graham said we’d become.”