“Sure it does. Monetary value is the only objective comparison.”
Kai shrugged casually. “Your words, not mine.”
August stared at him. “I don’t like how smug you seem right now.”
“Oh!” I leaped up from the couch. “Speaking of spending money, today is the 31st! Because yesterday was the 30th. Which means tomorrow is February 1st!”
“Very good,” August said. “Now do the ABCs.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “Tomorrow is the first of the month, which is when my mortgage is due. I get to make my first house payment!”
“You might be the first person in history to be happy about paying a bill,” Michael said.
“I know! Isn’t it exciting?” I pulled out my phone and opened the bank app. I selected my loan, then frowned at the screen.”
“That’s strange.”
“What?” Kai asked.
“When I try to make a payment, it gives me a weird error message.” I clicked the details of the loan. “Something’s wrong. It says the balance is zero.”
“The loan must not have loaded into the system yet,” Michael said.
“Click the payment details,” Kai suggested.
I did that, and blinked at what I saw. “It says a payment was made two weeks ago. Paying the loan in full. That can’t be right.”
“Definitely a mistake. Banks fuck shit up all the time,” August said.
Kai was grinning broadly now. “Or it’s not a mistake.”
The three of us turned to look at him. “There’s that smug look again,” August said.
“What do you know?” I asked.
“Well, when I blackmailed Sandra, I made four requests. One, she had to admit that the OnlyFans video wasn’t Ginny. Two, she could never come after us. Three, she was going to fire me and give me a big severance package. And four…”
I gasped.
“You didn’t,” Michael said.
“You had herpay off my house?”
“It was all I could think of spur of the moment,” he said. “Glad she followed through on it. I expected you to get some paperwork about it, but when you hadn’t said anything, I wondered if it didn’t happen. Fortunately—oof.”
I threw myself into his arms and pummeled him with kisses.
“What was it you said?” Michael asked. “Monetary value is the only objective comparison?”
“Goddamnit,” August cursed. “You totally win. All I got her was a stupid dog.”
As if Fritz knew he was talking about him, the dog leaped onto August’s lap and began licking taco grease from his lips.
“You didn’t have to do that,” I told Kai.
“No, but it felt good. Making her pay for the one thing you’ve always dreamed about? The thing she tried to take away? It felt poetic.”
“Okay, sure, itsoundsgood,” August argued. “But doesn’t it, like, take away the satisfaction of paying for the house yourself? In my opinion, Kai stole that satisfaction from you.”