As I opened up and let a few more tears flow, I felt the magnitude of it all dissipate. Like she had turned a dial to relieve the pressure inside my heart. I didn’t outright weep, but those few tears meant a lot to me. It was a kind of vulnerability I didn’t know I could give.
And I didn’t hate it.
When I stopped trembling and the two of us became still, Ginny quietly asked, “Does this mean no more butt stuff tonight?”
I roared with laughter, a laughter of healed wounds and intimacy.
40
Ginny
I had never seen a guy be that open before. That vulnerable. I could tell he didn’t want to show that side of himself, but he was relieved when he finally did. And after, I felt so much closer to him. Not just because he had allowed himself to be vulnerable with me, but because now I knewwhyhe was doing this. He was taking care of his family.
It was eerily similar to the reason I was doing it.
My heart went out to him. At least my family was dealing with high rent and poverty. As difficult as those were, they were easier than cancer.
Kai and I took a shower together, then cuddled in bed for a while. He said he wanted to do another video, like we had planned, but I vetoed that. “We can make it up next week,” I said.
We snuggled together and spent the night talking. He told me everything about his family, opening up much more than I expected him to. It was like the flood gates had been opened and it was pouring out of him. I wondered if he had any other outlets for this kind of thing in his life.
It was long after midnight when he finally got dressed to leave. We shared a hug at the door, a long kiss goodbye, and then another hug. After he was gone, I thought about him as I went to bed. It didn’t feel like we were merely sex industry coworkers.
Kai feels like so much more than that.
That weekend, my realtor and I looked at a bunch more houses. I arrived to one showing a little early, and another couple was already inside viewing the place. The exterior had good bones, but it was a shade of pink that reminded me of Pepto Bismol. For some reason, that filled me with a sense of hope. Like maybe, against all odds, this house would bethe one. While I waited for the other couple to finish looking at the house, I texted Kai.
Me: Hi. How are you doing today?
Kai: About as good as can be expected considering I’m working today. My boss is being really annoying, and wants to make trouble next week with an organization we work with.
Me: I meant how are you doing after last night?
Kai: My cock is sore, if that’s what you mean ;-) It’s probably a good thing we didn’t film that last scene!
Me: LOL, I’m sore too! In multiple places.
Me: Seriously though. I was talking about the emotional stuff. You okay?
Kai: Yeah, I’m okay.
Kai: I’m not used to being vulnerable like that.
Me: Prior to that, I was the vulnerable one being fucked in the ass on camera. Talking about your family is easy!
Kai: LOL, good point.
Kai: I’ve got to go. Thanks again for last night. All of it.
Kai: I’m lucky to have you in my life.
I stared at the last text for a few minutes. It seemed out of character for Kai, who had made it clear from the start that we needed to avoid catching feels. Was he breaking his own rule, or was he just being nice?
Before I could respond, my realtor waved at me through my car windshield. It was our turn to look at the house. I was still preoccupied thinking about Kai, and our relationship, and what this meant going forward, ifanything…
But as soon as I walked into the house, all of that faded away. The foyer had high ceilings and a broad staircase that curled up to a second floor loft. The rooms on either side, a den and a dining room, were spacious and airy with hardwood floors and crisp white paint. Everything smelled faintly of vanilla.
“I love it,” I breathed.