The two of us watched the game in silence for an inning while sipping our beers. Derek got up and got two more, handing me another one without a word.
As the silence stretched, I realized there was an awkward elephant in the room. The guys had proposed to share me. I had discussed it with Jordan and Taylor, but I still hadn’t talked to Derek about it. I had only heard that he was interested indirectly, through Jordan.
Eventually it became too awkward to bear, and by the end of my second beer, I was ready to carefully broach the subject.
“The three of you want to share a girlfriend, huh?” I blurted out.
Okay, maybe I didn’t broach it carefully. But at least I brought it up.
Derek grunted in surprise. “Sure.”
“Sure? That’s it?”
“Yep.”
“You don’t seem to have much to say about it.”
“The offer seemed pretty straightforward,” he replied. His dark eyes flicked to me, then back to the TV. “And you haven’t really given us an answer yet, have you?”
“I’m still considering it.” I got up to get two more beers, then handed one to Derek when I got back. “Why would you rather share a girl than find one to keep all for yourself?”
“I would have assumed Jordan and Taylor told you the reasons.”
“They told metheirreasons. I’m asking whyyouwant to.”
The can of beer cracked open, and Derek took a long pull. The veins in his arms seemed to pop out as he put the beer on the table next to the couch. “I was never any good with regular relationships. The schedule is a bitch. Four days on, three off. Women don’t like it. Can’t blame them.
“Is that why you got divorced?” I asked.
He gave me a look. I held up my hands defensively.
“I wasn’t trying to snoop, I swear. I was checking out all the rooms and I saw the wedding photo next to your bed.”
Suddenly, an alarming thought came to me: what if hewasn’tdivorced? What if she had died somehow? I waited for his reaction, wincing before he spoke.
“My ex is very much alive,” he rumbled. “We were only married two years. She’s with someone new, now. They’ve been together eight. Wait, no. It’ll be nine years next month. Time really flies.”
He shook his head. “But to answer your question: no. It wasn’t the job that did it.”
He didn’t go on, and I was curious, so I said, “Other relationship problems, then?”
“Our relationship was perfect,” he said. “We were perfect in every way. Every way except one, that is.” He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I wanted kids. She didn’t. Eventually, our different expectations became too great to ignore.”
I groaned. “Ouch. That really sucks. You didn’t discuss it before you got married?”
“Oh, I knew she didn’t want kids from the start.” Derek leaned back in his chair and smiled sadly. “I thought she would change. All women get that maternal itch eventually, right? Well, not her. She didn’t want them, and knew she never would. Which is fine. She was always very clear about that. It’s my damn fault for not believing her.”
Anthony was fussy, so I carried him over to the couch and sat next to Derek. “Oh, Derek. I’m really sorry.”
“Me too.” He smiled over at Anthony. “Life sucks sometimes, doesn’t it, little guy?”
Anthony gave him a puzzled look, furrowing his tiny little brow.
My heart went out to Derek in that moment, while he and the baby stared at each other. It explained a big part of the entire situation, one that I hadn’t quite understood: why Derek would risk everything for this little guy. He wanted children of his own. He wanted to be a father. And that paternal instinct was manifesting in his insistence that we dowhateveris best for Baby Anthony, even if it risks their careers.
I suddenly remembered Maurice’s question on the phone:are you attracted to them?Before now, the answer was that yes, I was physically attracted to them. All three of them were undeniably gorgeous, and would have been even if they weren’t firemen.
But now I realized I was attracted to more than just Derek’s body. He was a good man, which made his chiseled exterior even sexier than it would be by itself.